For any Yakuti readers who might not know who you are, please tell us a little about yourself.

I’m a 27-year-old Kenyan, married to Richard Dede and mother of one boy, Zuriel Dede. I am a performing artist of dance, music and drama. I am a lecturer at Kenyatta University in the department of Theatre Arts and Film Technology- School of Visual and Performing Arts and I am pursuing my PhD in Theatre Arts.

I was brought up in the humble town of Homa Bay in Western Kenya, being the eldest in a family of seven children. My parents [are] both Christians, my father a lawyer and my mother a businesswoman. I went to Sango Academy, then to Asumbi Girls High School and later to Maseno University where I did a BA in Drama and Theatre Studies and graduated in 2005 with First Class Honours and proceeded to University of Nairobi to do an MA in Gender and Development Studies, graduating in 2008.

I am passionate about Youth Issues and I give talks especially to High School Students on issues of Love and Sex, Career Choices, Reproductive Health and Building a Positive Self Esteem.

I love to be happy, sharing moments with family and friends, cooking, watching movies and performing.

You are a university lecturer, singer, speaker, wife, and recently a mother – congratulations again! And you’re not even 30 yet! What is the secret to being an achiever at such a young age?

I credit it all to God. I never thought I could be this at this age, and somehow I never feel it because I am doing what I love and that is theatre. Performance is my life and my great joy. I lecture theatre arts which I love with passion. Singing and Pubic speaking is also performance, thus all these are co-related. Being a wife is my full time job, the rest are part time. And through God’s grace I am now a mother, which is the biggest responsibility anyone has ever bestowed on me.

I’m also grateful to my mother and father who are such an inspiration to me and keep telling me to aim higher and that I can be anything I want in the face of this earth, and to my husband who has never ever stopped me from attaining the highest achievements despite ‘African sentiments on ambitious women’. My husband has given me a shoulder to lean on, he is my dearest friend and greatest critic, which challenges me to even dream bigger.

Above all, I think its all about asking God in faith and working hard towards that goal that you want to achieve. I remember there have been lots of times when I felt like God was not answering my prayers, yet after a period, most often when I have lost hope in getting something, God opens a way that is even greater than what I asked him for.

What is an average day in Zippy’s life? How has this changed since you now have a new “boss” [Zuriel]?

I wake up at 6.30am, pray, exercise for fifteen minutes then shower and groom myself. I have breakfast, watch a programme on TV until 9am then go to work (when I have lectures to facilitate). I study for 2 hours daily, either doing research for my PhD or teaching material. I’m home by 7pm, I sleep for an hour, call friends and family, shower, have dinner, watch TV, study and sleep at midnight. On weekends I make time to be with my family, no books, no internet at all at all.

Since I had my new boss, so much has changed! I cannot keep to any schedule at all except to attend meetings and lectures (we’ve got to pay bills!). Otherwise, I still study for two hours daily and my morning routine is still much the same. I call friends and family twice a week. Outings with my husband are shortened, we don’t stay out late like we used to. I am like an ambulance, ready for an emergency anytime.

How has music shaped the woman that you are today?

Music has given me a voice, confidence and a self esteem beyond compare. As I grew up through primary and secondary, everyone, teachers and students included, used to make fun of my deep big voice. Being in a girl’s only school it was ridiculous to hear a teacher say “Are there men in this class?”  It was until I joined University that my lecturer Otumba Ouko gave me a singing role in a play, insisting I could sing and that I should stop listening to people. He was right because the audience loved my voice. I was amazed! With Professor Okumu’s help, I learned to sing better and together with other students and staff we formed The Maseno University Band, where I was the lead vocalist until I left in 2005.

I believe in turning your weaknesses into strengths. I may not be the best today, but when I keep my heart to doing something, I will achieve it at all costs. Music has made me believe that all is possible. I am a role model to a lot of young girls in my home town. I feel flattered when approached by young girls asking me what to do to be great singers, and I tell them to work hard and to believe in themselves. No one can believe in you if you do not believe in yourself thus it all starts from within oneself.

Many of the songs you sing would be considered secular; however, from the song “Singedhani,” we derive that you are born again. How would you explain/defend your secular music to the Christian community?

My secular music is what I believe every person, Christian or not would derive a teaching from because I sing about everyday happenings, the social ills and love for one another. My music is not dirty, and can be comfortably listened to with people of all ages sitting together. My love songs are about the beauty of pure love, of marriage and how we are a blessing to each other.

I often say, let’s be practical Christians. We live in a society where we cannot ignore the community around us. When we see ills and wrongs taking place, as Christians we have to be like the voice in the wilderness. Each of us has the ability to use their talents and gifts to change the society. If I have to praise God each day, I have to speak for that woman who is battered and cannot attend church service because her husband is abusing her. I have to speak for that person who is so helpless and hopeless because they are raped, forced into marriage, or abused in any form, so that they can be free of all this pain and serve God without fear. It is until we are free indeed that we can fully serve God with all our might.

A person who is in pain, can only serve God in the hope that all the pain will go away soon. But when we are free of pain, then we are able to praise and exalt God’s name and be of influence to others to serve God too. I have been through moments of turmoil and as much as it drew me even closer to God, I still believe when we are happy, we serve God better.

You sing about love and social issues. Are your love songs derived from your own experiences?

Most of my songs are derived from my experiences and of those who are close to me.

How do you handle mistakes during performances?

I just tell the audience, mistakes are human. There was this time, my voice was getting very dry on stage and I was having a bout of flu. I just told the audience, “This microphone is playing games with me and I cant blame it because it is made by man, and everything made by man has mistakes, let me give it a rest before we continue.” I then paused and took some water as the band continued to play the instruments. Thank God I do live band shows; the band just goes on.

What is the biggest thing you hope to achieve with your music?

I hope that someday, someone will come up to me and tell me that listening to my music changed their life, gave them hope and strength to move on, to find the energy within and to realize their potential. I hope that my music will touch people’s life one at a time and to make them realize it’s all possible through God, if only we believe and ask God for help.

You are passionate about social issues, especially sexual violence and child abuse. What would you say to someone who comes to you and says he or she was abused as a child and is seeking healing?

I would tell them “You are not to blame for what happened to you. What happened, has happened and you have to forgive your offender so as to move on. You should not hate or blame your parents or guardian either. Life has to go on and as much as you cannot forget, forgive him and ask God to forgive the person. Also ask God to open a way for that person to either stop abusing others or pray that the person gets arrested and punished for sexual abuse.

You look beautiful in red lipstick. What is the one make up item that you cannot leave the house without?

Lipstick. My mother says, the brighter the colour, the younger you look. Lol! I don’t know how true this is but I can’t bring myself to wearing dark coloured lipstick.

A little bit about your personal life: how did you get born again?

Through Hope FM, during Wambui Mburu’s show in 2007. I then rededicated my life to God in church in April 2008 at Ruaraka Baptist Church where I fellowship to-date. You know this verse about don’t be ashamed of the Lord or the father in Heaven will also be ashamed of you? That is the verse that made me step forward, with courage I walked to the front and the pastor’s wife held my hands as I gave my life to God. Life was even harder after that because I did not know what to give up about my life and what to carry on with. I prayed every time about everything because I was so scared of loosing my faith and most of all of being seen by other Christians as not being of faith.

With time, through the guidance of my bible study group, I got to start understanding how to walk in the Lord, I am still learning though. Each day I become a better person, and even when I fault in my steps, my conscience warns me. Most of all, being born again has really, really helped me in my marriage, its impossible to accept someone fully and unconditionally while yet forgiving and forgetting without God. God is amazing. Each day I learn something new about God.

Describe the three happiest moments of your life thus far?

The day I graduated with my Bachelors. My father came for my graduation and I hugged him. I don’t come from a hugging family and to me this was a great gesture of love from my father. Something I only remember doing when he visited me in school once in Form One.

The day I gave birth and held my son in my arms, looking into those big eyes and seeing God’s miracle and blessing. He was so delicate, so innocent, so sweet, I held him so close I slept with him and refused the nurses from taking him away from me. I wanted to watch him and I kept pulling his fingers so he could jerk so I [could] be sure he was breathing. I called him Zuriel (Hebrew for God is my rock).

The day I boarded a plane for the first time. I had told myself that 2007 would not end without me boarding a plane even if I was just going to Kisumu town. I had been saving for this adventure. Then came this peer educator’s training workshop I had to attend in Uganda and they booked us into flights. I called everyone at home and told them how excited I was, I even bought a new suitcase for boarding the flight. Funnily, when inside the plane, I didn’t feel any difference from being in a comfortable bus. I have since traveled by plane to Europe (Germany).

The day I got married, legally. I can remember saying my vows as I cried and laughed until I choked. My best maid, Salome, whispered to me “Zippy stop laughing, these vows are serious,” but I just couldn’t hold myself, I don’t know where all that flow of emotions came from. I was choking with laughter and my eyes were draining wet. Lol! I married the love of my life.

What about the three saddest moments?

Every time I part from my husband when he is going to be away for a long period of time like three months or more, I cry. Even though we communicate and talk everyday, I can’t help but cry.

The times when my father was hospitalized for severe coma for four months in 2001. He had suffered stroke, and his life was saved because of immediate alertness. He is now just being treated for hypertension and is so much alive and strong you would never know he was once in a severe coma. I praise God for his loving goodness.

The day my husband was hijacked by robbers. We were supposed to go to the clinic at 3pm and he had just called at 1.30pm to tell me he was on his way. I waited until 6pm and when tracking the car on the computer, I realized the car was in Mathare Valley. I couldn’t sleep. I called all the police I could and told them where the car was and they did not do a thing, they kept telling me there was no incident reported the whole evening and night. I couldn’t sleep, I cried and prayed all night, and in the morning I called a taxi friend and with the car track device we traced where he was and got him in the car blindfolded not knowing where he was. He was safe and not hurt at all but all the money he had was gone.

I know it’s God’s miracle for saving all the people in my life.

How did you meet your husband? What is it about him that made you decide to forsake all others?

He saw me on a magazine cover in 2004 and fell in love with ‘the girl on the magazine’. Lol. He kept the magazine and four months later, coincidentally his cousin, who was my former classmate, said he knew me. They struggled and got my number through a connection of other friends. One year later after much pestering from him I decided to go on a date with him and from there I can’t tell much, we are still together.

I think he was the most patient man I ever met because he asked me for a date persistently for a year without loosing hope. He is also very humble, hardworking, respects me as a person, and he encourages me to pursue greater heights. Most of all I believe he loves me and I love him.

What is the biggest risk you have ever taken, and did you regret it?

Travelling by taxi at night in August 2007 from Jinja Uganda to Busia Kenya border to meet my boyfriend, currently my husband. I was facilitating training on reproductive health and peer education in Uganda and my husband (then boyfriend) was due to leave Kenya in two days’ time to go to Germany where I would see him next in four months. I finished facilitating at 6pm, got to my hotel room, called a taxi and we reached Busia border at 10pm, we ate and talked all night and at 4am I crossed the border on foot and got into my Uganda taxi and was back to Jinja at 8am to facilitate the training.

I don’t regret it at all. My husband is the love of my life and I thank God everyday we are together.

What would you say if a young woman walked up to you just now and said, “Zippy, I want to sing!”

I would tell them to follow their heart. I would also tell them not to do it for fame but for the love of singing and I would ask them to think deeply of the message in their songs.

How about if someone said, “I want to quit school!”

Education is still important no matter what profession one is in or the fear of lack of jobs. Education gives one access to information, gives one confidence and positive self esteem.

What is your definition of a virtuous woman?

One who earns the respect of others by how she behaves and interacts, a role model to other women.

What is your favorite scripture, and why?

Philippians 2:14 “Do everything without complaining or arguing” (Good News Bible). As a woman I need this reminder constantly. It helps me have peace coz arguments may make us say hurtful words and it wastes time to complain instead of starting to work.

What big things should we look out for from Zippy?

Before I turn 45, I hope to be the first woman Professor of Theatre in Kenya, and then to be a UN ambassador and a member of the UN Secretariat in Africa.

I also hope to release more music albums with messages that will touch people’s lives.

Other dreams will be surprises to me and to everyone else. Sometimes, God’s plans are not our plans, he sees far ahead than we do.

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First woman professor of Theatre in Kenya, UN ambassador, member of the UN Secretariat… impossible? I think not! Let’s keep Zippy in our prayers, ladies!

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Photo credits

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I know this is a very dear topic to many of us. I know we have all experienced bad hair days! When we are having bad hair days, even a simple trip to the nearest shop is a nightmare because of the fear of bumping into someone we know!

I remember once listening to a lady speak about her hair experiences and she said that for the longest time ever her hair controlled her life! Her life revolved around the state her hair. It got so bad that she opted to shave off her hair and she now spots a lovely short afro! She says it is so much easier and cheaper! Well, I am not saying we should go and shave off our hair, I just wanted to highlight some of the experiences some ladies have gone through regarding their hair.

Hair stylists sometimes make mistakes, but we ladies probably make more mistakes than they do. Here are a few common ones we make and also some tips I came across:

Following the latest trends – We all know this, a lady sees her favorite celebrity with a particular hairstyle and she goes to the salon, picture in hand and wants the exact same hairdo! Chances are you will not look like her. Secondly, your lifestyle may not suit the hairstyle. Ladies, lets not get carried away by trends all the time. Wear hair styles that complement you and bring out your natural beauty. What works for her may not necessarily work for you.

Towel drying at home – For us women who like washing our hair at home, we make the mistake of rubbing it vigorously instead of blotting it. Rubbing hair tangles and it ends up frizzy which causes it to break even more.

Research shows that night time is the ideal time for hair replenishing and nourishing, as your hair is more receptive to care. This is the ideal time to give your hair that deep conditioning oil treatment.

Cutting hair - It is tempting to want to cut your hair. However, ensure your stylist is a professional because a small mistake can end up with hair loss. Always get a professional to cut or trim your hair.

Wrap your head in a scarf or any cloth fabric so that your tresses dont get tangled up while sleeping.

Sleeping on a satin or silk pillow case or a scarf can help prevent split ends or hair breakage.

Shampooing hair – this seems cool but the type of shampoo you use depends on your hair texture and style (such as blow out or natural short hair among other hair styles) Beware washing hair daily will make it loose its natural shiny look infact during my research for this article, one hairstylist I talked to says it is best not to wash hair more than once a week, as leaving natural oils on the hair helps keep it in good condition.

Your personal style - the most common hairstyle is the pony tail, sometimes with the use of gel. Avoid doing this regularly. Tight hair styles leads to breaking of the hair line making it hard to manage long hair. Gel is okay once in a awhile.

Changing hair stylists – Stick to one hairstylist instead of changing from one stylist to the next. Your personal hairstylist will be familiar with your hair and scalp and will always know how to treat it.

So ladies, I hope this basic hair tips are beneficial to you. Let your hair down once in awhile and let it breathe, love your hair and take care of it. Always remember

you are beautiful!

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Mathew 7: 21-23

VS 21: “Not everyone who calls out to me, ‘Lord! Lord!’ will enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Only those who actually do the will of my Father in heaven will enter.

We can do so much and still not enter the kingdom of God! The very thought of this is humbling and a warning that religion, spirituality, the manifestation of the gifts of the Holy Spirit are no guarantee of spending forever with the Master.

It is apparent from Mathew 7: 21-23 that a man can move mountains, heal the sick, raise the dead and do so many things in the name of Jesus and not be in God’s will and could be in complete disobedience to God. Verse 23 of the text calls such people wicked, evil doers and other descriptive words depending on the version of the bible you read. Healing, raising the dead in themselves is God’s will because they are based on his word; the life of the person through which these signs and wonders are accomplished is what is brought to question in this bible verse. What matters to God, Verse 21 explains is that we are obeying God i.e. that we are in his will. It is just as 1 Corinthians 13: 1-3 explains about love; we could do all kinds of admirable things but without love, it is nothing. Why is it nothing? Because the love command, which is the will of God is more important to him than the acts that are suppose to portray love.

In our days, very little time is given to personal bible study, which is the number one place where the will of God is made known to us. There is also the will of God for each person’s life that is unveiled in his presence, but spending time to know the will of God has been overlooked, and sometimes the very principle of waiting on God to know his will has been left only to pastors. So many Christians depend on their pastor to know the will of God for their personal lives; I do not despise pastors confirming what we have received from the Lord, but basing major decisions of our lives solely on what a pastor tells us to do without receiving a confirmation from God ourselves is unscriptural. Many people are in trouble or serious problems because they made a major decision solely based on what someone told them that God “said”! Let us spend time in his presence to know what he thinks about various situations in our lives before we make a decision. If we are truly his child, we will hear him speak to us. We will not be going into more details in this area of God’s will because this article is not focused on knowing God’s will in regards to decisions like choosing a career, where to live, who to marry and things that are very specific to our individual everyday life decisions. This article is more directed towards God’s will written down in the scriptures for us to understand. We cannot live a victorious Christian life if we are not a student of the word of God. The bible says in 1 John 5:4 – For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith. So, if our faith is the key to victory, we have to meditate on God’s will (his word) because faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.

Knowing the will of God requires a level of sacrifice that many of us are not willing to pay; the time to spend in the scriptures to get to know his will, the time to be quiet in his presence, and the humility to accept his Word & plans as the only way. There is only one way to knowing the written will of God, and that is to spend time with it. Because of the lack of study of the word of the Lord, there are a number of things people believe about God’s will that are not scriptural. For the remainder of this article I want us to look at some things some believers have come to believe about God’s will.

I have heard it preached a number of times that there are three levels of God’s will i.e. there is a good will, the pleasing (or acceptable) will and the perfect will of God. This is usually supported by quoting Romans 12:2. The bible passage reads as follows:

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

I am not an English language major, and neither by any standard can I claim to be an authority in the English language; however, I know that the comparative and superlative of good is better and best respectively. One of the definitions of the word Good in the dictionary is “that which is pleasing”, and another definition for good is “complete”. One definition for perfect is complete. So, we see that the three descriptive words used in this passage were referring to the same thing. There is nothing like three levels of God’s will, there is only one will of God concerning situations, circumstances, and our life and we need to find it out and not settle down with just anything.

I have often heard believers say that a sickness or disease is God’s will to teach them this or that; this is not scriptural. It is never God’s will for us to be sick or have any sort of illness. This state of mind only prevents us as believers from exercising our authority and living a life free of sickness and diseases. Galatians 3:13 reads:

Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us, for it is written: “Cursed is everyone who is hung on a tree”.

Sicknesses and diseases are under the curse, why do some believers then believe that it is God’s will to use sickness or disease to teach them something? How does sickness and disease in the life of his children bring him glory? James 1:17 clearly states that Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. Sickness and disease is not a good or perfect gift; it is not from our father. How would a father put sickness on his child? Matthew 7:11 also explains: If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him. Our God gives us good things and not evil.

Isaiah 53: 5 reads:

But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.

Another school of thought is that it is God’s will for them to suffer for sins committed in the past; my brothers and sisters, the scripture above clearly shows us that Christ paid for every single one of our sins and we are not expected to pay for our sins. 2 Corinthians 5:17 also states Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! Halleluyah! When we come to Christ, our old man that committed the transgressions is gone, and the person we are in Christ never sinned!

However, there is a kind of pain and suffering that believers will have to endure, and that is the pain and suffering that comes from persecution due to our faith in God. 2Tim 3:11 shows that this is the kind of pain and suffering Paul suffered and Rev 2:10 talks about the same kind of suffering.  There is no scripture to back the belief that God teaches us lessons by bringing us under the curse. It is the devil that does this and we have been given the authority to live above him, his agents and his appearance in any form or shape, which includes sicknesses and diseases; Eph 1:20 – 21 and Eph 2:6 reads

Which he wrought in Christ, when he raised him from the dead, and set him at his own right hand in the heavenly places^, Far above all principality, and power, and might, and dominion, and every name that is named, not only in this world, but also in that which is to come:

For he raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus.

We need to give ourselves to the ministry of the word to enjoy the fullness of life that God has for us, because only in it can we become acquainted with his will. The bible declares “and ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free”. How free we are depends on how much of his will we know and live by. It is not enough to know his will; we have to live out his will. Only in obedience to his word do we get the promised results. Isaiah 1:19 reads: if ye be willing and obedient, ye shall eat the good of the land. Lastly let us remember verse 21 of our text:

“Not everyone who calls out to me, ‘Lord! Lord!’ will enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Only those who actually do the will of my Father in heaven will enter.

Sons and daughters of God, let us not be foolish; let us understand what the will of God is (Eph 5:17).

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As I was seeking the Lord on what to write for this month, I was convicted to write on this issue of the immeasurable worth of making sacrifices; going God’s way even when it makes no sense to us and is uncomfortable. For instance, there are times we pray and ask the Lord to give us a job and after some time or immediately He answers and we get so excited and grateful. However when we get in the new work place, we discover that it is not the Canaan we thought it would be; instead it begins to look like God made a mistake in His leading. Other times one may get a job where one’s educational background is greater than the job description and you end up feeling misused and under worked while other times God may lead you to a place where you feel overworked and underpaid or even not paid at all yet you faithfully  go to work on a daily basis and give it your best. This is common in purely commission-based jobs and you just do not get clients and your bosses and colleagues begin looking down on you.

More often than not we are caught up in a net of questions to God. Why did you lead me here even after praying for a good job? why don’t you open another door for me? Lord do I deserve this? and the questions go on and on until frustration and anger begin to creep in if unchecked. This is the most natural reaction but we have a choice to either be bitter or better with God.

God has good plans for each and everyone of us even if it does not look or sound like true at the moment.. Jer 29:11,a scripture we often quote says, “For  I know the plans  I have for you,”  declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” Friend, when God is involved in your business, and He leads you to a place, appreciate it and give it your best. Do not complain for when you complain you remain and when you praise you are raised. Know for sure that God delights in blessing you but He also has to shape you up lest He blesses you and his blessings become an idol .

Remember Joseph and his dreams (Genesis 37). He did not even know their meaning at that time, nor did he anticipate the hardships that would befall him because of his destiny. Yet when he was betrayed by his own brothers,  put under pressure by Potiphar’s wife and worst of all imprisoned for a crime he had not committed,he still stood firm and confident in God. Because of this God raised him up to a position that only God would take him to – He put him in charge of Egypt. God elevated him in a foreign land, not in his native land.

Friend, keep an attitude of praise and thanksgiving in your foreign land, knowing for sure that God will come through and he will determine your altitude. Do not give up. One common song says, He knows my name, he knows my every thought, He sees each tear that falls and he hears me when I call. God knows you by name, he has not ignored your prayers. He has heard them and in due time. He will meet all the desires of your heart. Psalms 37:4-6, Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires your heart .commit your way to the Lord, trust in  him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of  your cause like noonday sun. Hebrews 10:35-37 says, Do not throw away your confidence :it will be richly rewarded .you need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he is promised. For in just a very little while, He who is coming will come and will not delay.

King David wrote, Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere (Psalm 84:10). He understood that with God on his side, he would be at  peace, reach greater heights and have no regrets. Moses also had a similar revelation and his is found in Exodus 33:15. Moses said to him, if your presence does not go with us do not send us up from here. How will anyone know that you are pleased with me and with your people unless you go with us? What else will distinguish me and your people from all other people on the face of the earth?

In a nutshell, our prosperity and posterity will come from being where the Lord wants us to be and by having him directing and leading our steps. Do not lead your self; however challenging things may be at the moment, if the Lord has led you there stay put and continue seeking him You never know who or where He wants to connect you with. you will look back some day and you will be grateful  that you chose to obey him. Mourning is just for a night joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5). Remember, patience pains but it pays. Pay the price, the sacrifices you make will be richly rewarded. God loves you and he cares.

God bless you.

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1st step- thorough History and Physical.

Pertinent information is as follows:

Physical examination
Vitals: normal blood pressure, temperature.
Physical Examination: Obese female, 5 Ft 5, 250lbs, Hirtuism (facial hair), Moderate acne, no previous illnesses, no pertinent family history
Obstetric History: Recently sexually active, no previous history of Sexually Transmitted Diseases, irregular periods since menarche, Normal PAP smear, normal pelvic exam
Labs: Elevated Blood sugars, Elevated Cholesterol, Elevated male and female hormones.

With the above labs, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome was diagnosed.

POLYCYSTIC OVARIAN SYNDROME (PCOS)

Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome is one of the major causes of infertility among women. It is not easily diagnosed because it has no particular symptom of its own, most of its symptoms are general issues that can be easily associated with other diseases. The common ones are obesity, oligomenorrhea/amenorrhea (irregular menstrual/absent periods), facial hair, high blood sugar, and high cholesterol. The cause of PCOS is not completely understood and as of right now, according to medicine, it is only manageable (but ladies, as Christians… remember, we are more than conquerors in Christ Jesus).

As mentioned before, PCOS is a major cause of infertility because it affects the menstrual cycle. In a normal woman, every month, the brain, ovaries and uterus co-ordinate certain events that make menstrual periods possible. In a woman with PCOS, her hormone levels are so disrupted that menstruation never occurs.

Let me break it down. Each ovary contains many follicles (eggs). Every month, under the influence of hormones, one egg develops (so in essence, the ovary is like a hostel containing many young girls (eggs), and every month, the matron chooses one girl (egg) who shows herself the prettiest, strongest and best option to spend a day outside of the hostel (ovary) Anyone reminded of Queen Esther here…lol).

Now, when the egg is released, it stays for 24 hrs in the body, awaiting the possibility of fertilization by sperm and the consequential creation of a baby (so in essence, this young girl is supposed to only spend 24 hrs outside the hostel but if she meets the man of her dreams (sperm), she will go, get married and never return again to the hostel). Now in a situation of PCOS, every month, more than 1 follicle starts to mature but none of them are sizeable to trigger the release of an egg (so in essence, for reasons we don’t know, the matron chooses more than 1 girl for the special day out and the girls are so disoriented, they are not fully prepared to go… one has only one shoe on, another might have her hair in a mess, another might have her pants on backwards, basically no one is ready to go, so no one ends up leaving the hostel). Upon ultrasound investigation, the follicles are noticed to be polycystic (full of immature eggs in an arrested state of development); hence infertility.

Another known symptom of PCOS is hirsutim; defined as male pattern facial hair. WAIT, before you go and analyze that strand of hair you found on your chin, that’s not hirsutism. Hirsutism is severe facial hair, the kind of beard you see on your brother/husband/ uncle… get it? Not the few strands you might see on your chin or upper lip. To a degree, every woman has a certain level of male hormones in them. In PCOS, the male hormones are unusually high and this cause huge amounts of facial hair.

Last but not least, high blood sugar is another abnormal lab found in PCOS. Insulin is the hormone used to regulate blood sugar and keep it low, in PCOS, the body ignores insulin and this results in high glucose sitting in the blood. High blood causes so much trouble, it impairs wound healing, it is a pre-cursor to diabetes and it harms all your organs.

PCOS TREATMENTS

So basically in treating PCOS related infertility, we want to do anything that can increase ovulation and the chance of egg fertilization. This can be done by the following:

Birth Control Pills (OCP)- Yes, once again another disease treated by birth control pills. As I’ve mentioned, birth control pills help regulate menstruation and make them more frequent.

Hormones: As I mentioned before, the amount of male hormones are drastically increased in PCOS, overshadowing female hormones and making fertility hard. So by taking Progestin which is a female hormone, we create the proper hormonal balance and help fertility.

Weight Loss: This is a simple way to help manage symptoms, with weight loss, periods become more frequent increasing the chances of normal conception.

Clomiphene: This is a drug that helps the ovary release one or more eggs and the more eggs we release, the higher the chance of getting fertilized and conception.

PCOS is not commonly known in most African countries but with proper education and us taking charge of our health and safety as women, PCOS is a disease that can be successfully managed.

Follow up:

With proper exercise and hormonal treatment, Bose and Femi became proud parents of twins April 2010. Glory be to God!

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i am getting married in December this year. i have been so anxious…asking myself if this is God’s will. My fiancee is such a loving man, he is born again and very supportive. he is everything a girl would ever want in a man. i just wonder if God approves of us. i wish there was a way to take away all these anxieties and know or sure that God is leading us all the way.

please help.

‘Maua’

Dear Maua,

First of all, congratulations on your engagement! Many women write to me asking me to pray for them to get married, or asking me to hook them up with men. You are engaged, and to a man every woman would want. Trust me, you are blessed.

I took some time to pray about your question, as always, but I also spoke to a few of my married friends and reflected on some of the discussions we had when they were engaged.

The first thing I can tell you is that what you are going through IS NORMAL. All the friends I spoke to are born again, all of them are married to godly men, but to my surprise, they all said they felt nervous – and sometimes downright terrified – during the time between engagement and marriage. A friend of mine who is married to a worship leader that nobody would ever doubt was meant for her, told me that she was very, very nervous during her engagement.

I’ll say it like one friend told me: it’s a good thing. It gives you another chance to evaluate your relationship and get to know if this is the man for you. It can help you look out for signs from God and ask yourself some serious questions. Have you covered all bases, for example? Is there anything God is saying that you might be missing? It is also a chance to have that clarification from God, that very clear sign that you can then journal and look back on during your marriage if the devil tries to sow seeds of discord. Sometimes, even on her wedding day, a bride is still nervous and has not heard or does not think she has heard anything from the Lord. If this is the case, then just go for it by faith, just like my friends did.

You say, “I wonder if God approves of us.” God approves of all His children. Perhaps you mean to say you wonder if He approves of the fact that you are getting married to each other. If you have obeyed Him, then He approves. It is the Lord who created the institution and covenant of marriage and He has commanded us to get married. He Himself promised that He would never leave us nor forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). He will be with us always until the end of the age (Matthew 28:20). He orders our steps (Psalm 37). He has commissioned His angels concerning us (Psalm 91). I personally believe that if you are not unequally yoked, and if you have been praying throughout your relationship, then you should not worry. God holds tomorrow; worrying cannot delay it or bring it closer or make us taller or shorter. Stand on His Word to you. “Pour out your heart before Him.” Psalm 62:8.

Another thing that you should remember is that the devil is against the institution of marriage, especially between two believers. Marriage is warfare and a representation of Christ’s relationship with the church so the enemy will do whatever he can to try and sabotage it. When he brings doubts and discouragement, remember 2 Corinthians chapter 10 and cast down all those imaginations. Count your blessings and remember God’s benefits to you (Psalm 103) because sometimes it is forgetfulness that foils our faith. There are many women who would want to be in your shoes right now.

Hang in there. Relax. Trust God. Your engagement did not take Him by surprise; in fact, He ordained it. He will not mislead you, ashame you, or let you fall. Ask Him to make it very clear to You that He approves of your marriage. He honors our requests.

Be blessed,

Paula.

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Ponder It Prayerfully: Joy is a word not often associated with pain or difficult circumstances. In fact, the dictionary defines joy as “the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying” (Dictionary.com). We can see, based on this definition, that joy and happiness are interchangeable words, and are temporary emotions based on circumstances. So, how was Jesus able to maintain joy in the midst of great suffering? How was He able to endure the pain of the cross? Glad you asked! He was able to endure the pain of the cross because He had joy, but not just any kind of joy–He had the joy of the Lord (Nehemiah 8:10). According to the Nelson Study Bible commentary,

“The joy of the Lord is the joy that springs up in our hearts because of our relationship with the Lord. It is a God-given gladness found when we are in communion with God [and ] when our goal is to know more about the Lord, the by-product is His joy”.

Thus, the joy of the Lord is different from mere happiness in that it stems not from circumstances, but our relationship with the Lord, and because of God is unchanging, this joy remains steadfast and unchanging as well. Furthermore, the above scripture in Hebrews indicates that Jesus was also able to endure the cross because of “the joy that was set before Him”. Our Lord Jesus understood that in order to fulfill His purpose while on this earth, which was to garner our salvation, He would have to make the ultimate sacrifice and pay the ultimate price, enduring the shame and pain of the cross. He focused not on the suffering He would endure , but on the reward. The joy of our salvation gave Him the strength to keep moving on toward the cross.

Be A Doer (James 1:22): So how do we maneuver the emotions that come with difficult circumstances while maintaining joy? A good question…glad you asked! There are two things important truths from this scripture that we can gain insight from — secrets to steadfast joy. Firstly,  our joy needs to be based not on our circumstances, but on a relationship with God. The Word says that the joy of the Lord is our strength (Nehemiah 8:10). Thus, a thriving relationship with God is vital in maintaining a joy that can break down the walls of depression that can come from trials. Secondly, we need to know and understand the purpose for which we were created. God created us all with a specific purpose in mind, and understanding this truth helps our joy remain steadfast, even in the midst of difficult circumstances. Without a knowledge of our purpose, we are more likely to give up in this walk of faith (Hosea 4:6). In the midst of our trials, let’s allow Jesus to be our example, as we imitate Him in the way He endured and maintained His joy on the way to making the ultimate sacrifice. It’s been said that the enemy of our souls is not after our wealth, or health, or the like, but is after our joy, because he knows if he can destroy that, he can weaken us and take us out of the race. Do not give him that chance — let the joy of the Lord be your strength!

Hide It In Your Heart (Psalm 119:11): Instead of your shame, you shall have double honor, and instead of confusion they shall rejoice in their portion, therefore in their land they shall possess double; Everlasting joy shall be theirs (Isaiah 62:7).

Pray It Personally: Heavenly Father, as your word says that the joy of the Lord is my strength, so even in the midst of my difficult circumstance, I ask that You be my strength, and that my joy in you remains steadfast and unbending, in the joy-giving name of Jesus, Amen.

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Ponder It Prayerfully: Pain is a word we don’t usually like to hear. In fact, we tend to cringe on hearing this word. Pain is inevitable though in this life of free wills and human frailties, and while the thought of embracing pain might be somewhat unusual, it is absolutely necessary if we are going to experience a depth of relationship with God like we have never experienced before. The Psalmist in the scripture above (this psalm is attributed to the Sons of Korah) seems to be experiencing so deep an anguish that he cries out, “…My tears have been my food day and night…” (Verse 3a), but in the midst of this seeming despair, he encourages himself by saying, “…Hope now in God, for I shall yet praise Him…” (Verse 5b).

Be A Doer: How do you react to pain? Do you acknowledge it and allow it to mold and shape your character? Or do you sulk and whine all day long, bemoaning your bad fortune, blaming everyone for the pain that seems to be your constant companion? I heard it once said that pain purifies our faith, and I am inclined to agree. We are encouraged in James 1 to “…count it all joy when [we] fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of [our] faith produces patience…let patience have it’s perfect work, that [we] may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing…” (Vs 2-4, NKJV). Pain is essential for Christian maturity, and having a good response to the pain that occurs as a result of trials anchors us deeply and enables God to finish what He began in us (Phil 1:6). Furthermore, it enables us to see and experience God in a whole new way — a personal way.  Job went through a season of pain and after God revealed Himself to him, he was able to say, “I admit I once lived by rumors of you; now I have it all firsthand–from my own eyes and ears!” (Job 42:5, Msg). We will all go through seasons of pain in our lifetime that stem from trials and circumstances, and it is of vital importance that we don’t allow the bitterness and anger that can arise from circumstances sever our budding relationship with the Lover of our souls. Let’s allow the pain we experience draw us deeper in our relationship with God. Let’s allow the pain refine our character and produce mature and unrelenting faith in God. Let’s trust God in the midst of our pain, knowing that He is still in control. Draw close to God during this season, and whatever you do, do not dare let go of God’s unchanging hand!

Hide It In Your Heart: We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. (II Corinthians 4:8-9, NIV)

Pray It Personally: Heavenly Father, I thank You for every experience I get to have with you in this walk of faith, including this season of pain. Mold and shape me in this season, Lord, and help me experience You like never before. Complete the work you began in me, Father, and help me become everything you have called me to be. May You get the glory out of this situation and Father, I trust that you will use all this for me good. I give you all honor and praise, in the comforting Name of Jesus, My Lord. Amen.

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Paula: Your latest album is amazing. Thanks for raising the standard among Christian artistes.
Lara: Thank you.

P: Five adjectives that describe Lara George?
L (laughs): I would say… fun-loving…

P: We can come back to that later, it always catches people unawares.
L: Yes, let’s come back to that later.

P: What is one thing about Lara that would surprise us?
L: Well… a lot of people see me and think that I am very soft. I am not as soft as people expect.

P: How did your upbringing influence your passion for music?
L: I grew up in Yaba in Lagos. I have five siblings. I grew up very sheltered, somewhat. What that did for me was it made me look inwards very early in life. Very early, I discovered songwriting and started exploring all kinds of musical styles. I started to write a lot, both music and poetry, prose sometimes. For me, that has gone on to help me to be really comfortable with music. Now music and songwriting are things I don’t even think about. It just comes naturally for me.

P: How did you feel the first time you heard yourself on the radio as a member of Kush? Was it any different when you heard your first solo single?
L: Well, it’s pretty much the same whether one is part of a group or whether one is a solo artiste. There are so many other artistes out there and I never take it for granted when I get airplay. I get very excited. It never stops amazing me.

P: You are an architect, musician, businesswoman, singer, wife, mother – with a number of awards to your name. Do you have any regrets?
L: None whatsoever (laughs). Absolutely none.

P: How do you balance it all?
L: To be honest, I still don’t know. I just take each day as it comes. I’m grateful to God because I still have a small family. My husband is very involved in the work that I do. I also work together with him in the business. I’d say that my life is extremely convenient and I feel extremely lucky because not many people have it the way that I do. I’m not saying that I have everything that I’d like to have, not yet… but so far I am grateful.

P: How do you handle the accolades?
L: The accolades are good. You know how it is – it’s always easier to dwell on the negatives than on the positives. So when I get the accolades, they actually help. I enjoy them like a drug (laughs). I get high on it. Every single time someone walks up to me and says “What God has done for me,” I can’t describe the level of encouragement that it gives me.

P: What would you say is the secret to your success?
L (laughs): I’m not sure that I would really describe myself as being successful yet. I feel like I’ve just started. I’ve had a lot of ups and downs. I haven’t even gotten back to where I was when I was with the group so in terms of feeling successful, I’m not sure that I quiiite feel that way yet. But I do believe that I’m on the right path; I think that I’m doing what I’m meant to do. I’m encouraged to keep on keeping on. The secret to where I am right now in life and the level of peace that I’m experiencing, it’s nothing but God. I know that that sounds very cliché but God has always existed from eternity to eternity so He will never stop being the reason for everything good that exists. I’m learning a lot of principles from God, because God operates by principles.

P: What do you hope to achieve through your music?
I want my music to get to the point where they become anthems worldwide; any time that people hear songs of hope and of encouragement, that they will think of Lara George. I would like for my music to be that reference point to getting back to God and being able to see life through God’s eyes. I want people to be able to say, “If you need God’s point of view on any topic at all, listen to Lara George.”

P: A couple of controversial questions. First of all the song ‘Run With You’ – a few people have been asking why you did a collaboration with a secular artiste [Lord of Ajasa.] You have explained it before but just for anyone who still does not know or doesn’t get it: why would you do a collabo with a secular artiste…
L:  I chose to do that collaboration with a secular artiste because I believe that with music just like with life, as you walk the walk, you don’t live your life as though you’re living in a bubble. Every day we interact with people of all kinds of faith. It doesn’t stop us from what we’re doing. If we’re working in the same organization and we have the same values and the same goals that we’re trying to achieve in that organization, we don’t push people away and say “Sorry, because you’re not a Christian you can’t work in this organization.” With music, if I write a song, and the purpose of that song is to turn people towards Christ, to make them see God’s point of view on a particular matter, and I say to a secular artiste, “Would you come on this song with me?” and he says “Yes,” and then in the song, he says stuff like, “E fe b’Olorun rin, iyen l’o matter,” which means “I want to walk with God, that’s what matters,” and he literally speaks God’s words in that song, does it make him a bad person? That is the question that I have to ask people.

When people are so quick to judge, I don’t understand. Does it ever occur to anyone that we’re all Gentiles, and God has clearly given us favour and allowed us to become a part of the body of Christ, before now it was only the Israelites that had permission to even access God like that. Are you saying that [a secular artiste] can never come to Christ? Are you saying that there is nothing that can ever bring that person to Christ? I’m sorry but I don’t agree. I’m not going to  comrpomise on my values and my ideals. But if I go to a secular artiste and say “Would you promote God’s values with me” and that person agrees, then why not?

P: …and how would you explain the fact that you are a fan of people like Béyoncé and Lady Gaga whose music does not promote a godly message?
L: The Bible says “Let he who thinks that he stands take heed lest he falls.” It’s very, very easy to point fingers at other people whereas the truth is many people who are doing the finger-pointing are nowhere near living their lives according to God’s standards. The Beyonce’s and the Lady Gagas and all those other people… there is something to learn from every one of them. They are highly successful artistes and they have business models that are extremely successful. I do humble myself to know that there is something to learn from every person. Our professors in school are not all born again, but we sit under their teaching, don’t we? People who are Christians have a way of isolating themselves from everything that is going on around them. I’m not of that school of thought.

I believe that we’re in the world but we’re not of the world, and I believe that every one of us who is a Christian has the responsibility to uphold Christ in what we do. But Christ did not say we should live our lives alone. Our responsibility is to make sure that we are the light in the world. You can’t be the light when you’re hiding yourself under your bed because you don’t want to relate with anybody and you don’t want to find out what’s going on in the world around you, you don’t want to talk to secular artistes – your life is never going to impact anybody else. That’s what I believe.

P: Where do you get the inspiration for your songs, are they mainly about your experiences?
L: Well, different things. Sometimes it’s just something that I feel that God has been impressing on my heart. I’ll give you an example. When I wrote O Ti Se, that was a song that I literally woke up in the middle of the night to write. I was dreaming and I heard that song in my dream, and  I had to wake up and put the song down before I forgot it. Some happen to me like that. I really struggled with putting that song on my album. I thought, “People are going to think I’ve been hanging out with herbalists and all kinds of people.” I still don’t know why, but for me to have heard the song in a dream like that, had to be from God. Sometimes it’s just from personal experience. I write songs about love, the Nigerian situation – i’ve just recently written a new song, a new single that will be on the new packaging of the current album. It comes in many different ways.

P: ‘The Nigerian situation’  - that reminds me of the song I Am Glad. A lot of artistes, a lot of African musicians usually move to the US or other countries in the west as soon as they decide they want to grow. Have you ever contemplated relocation or are you okay in Nigeria?
L (laughs): I consider relocating all the time! The grass always looks greener on the other side. I love the life that I’m living, like I said. I think I’m very, very blessed with my life. What makes me uncomfortable about the Nigerian situation is the insecurity of life, there’s poverty, there’s a high rate of robbery, we don’t have the kind of infrastructure that helps make life comfortable even for the average time. I wish that I could be in Nigeria and be in an environment where things work so that I don’t have to buy a ticket every time I really need a rest. Those are just the things that make me consider relocating but every time I think about it the thought jumps right out of my head because I want to stay in Nigeria, I want to be part of the new Nigeria, I want to be part of all of the new growth that is going on at home. Nigeria is a country with amazing possibilities and I just want to be there while it’s happening, so I’m not planning to go anywhere.

P: You and your husband are amazing. How do you manage to balance marriage and business?
L: That is an everyday prayer. It’s not very easy, but when it is good, it is beautiful. I strongly believe that for a husband and wife to work together is God’s original plan for man’s existence. In the first place, why was woman created? When God saw Adam, He said “It is not good for man to be alone,” but nowadays we find a lot of men who are married, the wives don’t know anything about what they do, their wives have no idea how much they earn, their wives have no clue about anything about them. I don’t see that as an ideal situation. A man should let down his guard and allow his wife into his personal space. That is what marriage is meant to be. Adam and Eve were meant to work together in the Garden of Eden.

I’m having a great time, for me to wake up in the morning and know that I’m going to work with my husband, this is the only situation where it’s fantastic to be able to say “I’m sleeping with my boss!” (laughs heartily.) Something deep down inside of me tells me that that’s the way it’s supposed to be and I’m telling you, it is fantastic. It is a lot of fun.

P: Do you ever get tired of each other?
L: (laughs) Oh, it happens, it happens… a lot of time people marvel at my husband and ask how he can share an office with his wife. But my husband is a different kind of guy. There are times when just being with each other all the time can become a bit of a strain, but that’s just how it is with every relationship. Some men don’t even need to work with their wives before they get tired of them. The thing is, like any two human beings, we have our differences and we are constantly having to go back to God. Sometimes – I have to be very honest here – sometimes it gets really, really hot; not funny at all. But the beautiful thing is that somehow we always find a way to overcome our differences and come back together again and when we do come back together again it’s a million times better than before. It’s great.

P: When you get home, do you leave work at work – when you go to work do you leave home issues at home or does it all mingle together?
L: It’s all mingled together. Sometimes we argue about that, because sometimes as a woman I just want that us-time. Sometimes I don’t even want to talk about work… but we work for ourselves and the pressure is on constantly, to make sure that the business succeeds so we’re kind of working round the clock, weekends, all the time. Sometimes we go out and we’re supposed to be hanging out but it becomes a business meeting. But because we’re in an industry that we love, it’s very easy and almost as though we’re having fun – except for a few times when we’ve missed out on personal time or when there are really pressing issues that we need to sort out as husband and wife, most of the time I’m just happy to flow along and enjoy working out everything concerning the home and the business together with my husband.

P: What about friends?
L: Lagos is an extremely busy place to live in. It can be hard but my husband and I love to take time out and enjoy ourselves, so we try to create bonding time – invite our friends and their children and all go out to a spot where the family can hang out together, and we just have a great time. We seize every opportunity that we can – birthdays, naming ceremonies, weddings…

P: Are you always this bubbly? Do you ever get angry?
L (laughs): Here’s another adjective. I’m extreme. I’m intense. When I’m happy, I’m over the moon. When I’m sad, I’m down in the dumps. I once had an encounter at the airport and people were trying to jump the queue and there were three of us woman who just got angry and formed a barricade and insisted that everybody get on the line. And one woman was shouting “Repent!” (laughs) “This is Nigeria, get on the queue!” I do get very, very passionate about whatever it is that I believe in. The only thing that I would say is many times I try to make sure that whatever it is I’m passionate about is what God would do if He was in flesh and in the same situation. I try to make sure that I’m never the one on the airing side. I want that if anybody sees me in that scenario, they can say “It’s okay to be that way.” No, I’m not always happy and excited and bubbly. In fact, many times, I’m just more introverted and quiet. I sound bubbly because you sound bubbly.

P: What is the most-important thing you think every woman should know?
L: We women hold the key.

P: To what?
L: To everything. If you’re married, and you’re a wife, you hold the key to your husband’s heart, and therefore you hold the key to your home. If you’re a mother, you have children, you hold the key to your children’s lives, and therefore you hold the key to the future of your nation and eventually the world. If you are a single woman working a job or just building a business in one career or another, you hold the key to changing the entire landscape. God has a way of keeping checks and balances in place in life. He puts the man on top and tells him that he is in charge, but the woman who appears to be just like one step beside the man is the one who really holds that power. Because she wields so much authority, I think God places the man at the helm, just to keep us women in check, because women can go haywire (laughs). Women, we hold the key.

P: You said something about the single woman. What would you say to the single ladies who say that there are no men left, or no men like your husband who you say is different?
L: There’s no perfect man out there. In my interviews I try to be as honest as possible because I don’t want people who read my interviews to be misled and think I’m living some kind of Cinderella type life. My husband and I, when we have issues, those issues can be major – marriage-threatening type issues. But everything that we pass through in life builds character in us. When you meet a man, it is important that you be able to see into the future and see who that man will be, because often times God does not give to us the full picture of what we ask for. We say “I’m looking for a gorgeous man, tall, handsome,” – God is probably going to bring us a not-so-great-looking guy – with a great future! So it’s up to us women to be able to see that tomorrow, and to be able to see that “this guy will become who I would like him to be or very close to that image.” There is no perfect man out there, just like even women are not perfect ourselves. I would say to them, while you’re single, enjoy your singleness.  It’s not going to last much longer and when that right guy comes, you will know in your heart. There is that special somebody out there. Don’t settle for less just because you’re afraid for tomorrow. God is going to bring you your own man and He will do it sooner than you think.

P: So! You said you’re fun-loving, and you’ve also said you’re extreme/intense. Give us three more adjectives that describe Lara.
L: Fun-loving, intense, a little bit enigmatic – I find that most people have a hard time understanding me. Extremely happy. Detailed.

P: Detailed. So you like to analyze things, to make sure they are done as they should be done…
L: Yes. I’m extremely detailed, almost to a fault.

P (a little cheekily): Does that mean you’re a bit of a perfectionist?
L: I am very, very, very perfectionist (laughs).

=

End.

Explains the quality that we see in her albums, doesn’t it, ladies? Let’s continue to keep Lara George in our prayers.

*Image credits: Lara George

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Paula: How did you meet?

Sumbo: We met through a friend of ours. I was here; my husband was back in Nigeria. His friend suggested him to my uncle. The funny thing was [his friend] had not met me then, too. It was just miraculous.

P: How long have you been married?

S: We’ve been married two and a half years.

P: You were in Nigeria when you were introduced to each other. You recently moved from Chicago to New York. How did that change your lives and perspective?

Pastor David: When I was called into ministry at age thirteen, the first vision I got was strange, I saw myself in a white man’s land. Right from then I had the idea that I was going to travel. God confirmed it. I knew I was taking the right steps. It was different here than in Nigeria. Here, people don’t want people to come too close. In Africa, you’re walking on the streets, everybody greets everybody. Everybody looks after everybody. But here it’s quite different.

The part of New York we’re in is not as busy as Chicago. In Chicago my wife worked from 6am to 8pm. Here she works from 8 to 3. We have more time.

P: What is love?

S: Love in marriage is how much you can tolerate the other person. When I met my husband, yes, I had these emotional feelings for him, and that aspect is always still there. But it’s more than just emotional feelings. Here are two people that are raised differently, and you see some things that you were not used to growing up, in your partner. I see love as being able to give yourself to the other person, being able to sacrifice for the other person. It’s like a mother who has a baby and she claims she loves the baby; the baby is crying from morning till night but she is not there for the baby. It’s not just saying “I care for you,” – you see it in deeds.

P: So do you think love can pay the bills?

S: Well… (laughs) If you are married to someone who does not want to do anything to support the marriage, that’s not even love. If one person does not want to feel responsible for the upkeep of the marriage, if it is only one person taking care of things, that’s not appropriate. That’s not even love. Part of love is giving. If someone cannot [even] buy a gift for you before you get married, there is a problem. Say you meet someone and you’re trying to get married to this person. They may not be at their fullest potential at that point.

P: How important is it to a man, for his wife to remain attractive and be graceful even as she ages?

PD: It is very important. When God made Eve out of Adam and Adam actually gained consciousness, the first thing he said was “Wow, this is bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh.” He was able to appreciate the woman. It’s very important. It’s not about being lustful. The woman that you’re going to be with for the rest of your life – if you cannot truly appreciate her, it doesn’t make sense. There are many aspects in marriage; the physical, social, financial, but there is also the aspect of intimacy. It takes appreciation. If you don’t truly appreciate the person, how can you even get to that level? I don’t think it’s realistic.

P: Do you think God would tell someone to get married to a woman he is not attracted to?

PD: If God will ask you to marry someone that you’re not attracted to, God has the power to make that person attractive to you. Maybe it wasn’t love at first sight, but God will begin to open your eyes to see the beauty of that person. Anything you can call or define as a treasure cannot be seen on the surface. There are some people who have beauty inside of them. I’m not just talking about good character here. Some people need to take care of themselves. Some people need to say “Okay, this is the style that suits me most.” Once you’re able to find the style that fits you most, stick with it. The beauty is inside.

It takes people that can see to really live. A lot of people can’t see – that’s the problem. It takes vision for you to see your wife or husband. I’m not talking about a trance. God can show you your wife or husband that way but it takes the ability to see beyond what everyone sees.

There are some ladies, when they are not yet married or engaged, people don’t run after them. But as soon as they are engaged or married, people begin to run after them. Where were they before they got hooked? There’s a kind of joy, affirmation, a kind of glory radiating out of [them] and people don’t know why but they say “This lady looks attractive” or “This guy looks good.” Everyone that God made is beautiful and looks good. Some people get married out of sentiment, then they never find the woman attractive, so they don’t show love – and people begin to say “This man is wicked.”

P: Aside from adultery, is there any situation in marriage where a woman would be justified in wanting a divorce?

S: To everything, there is a beginning. Some women say, “This guy is not responsible, he goes out every night to drink, comes back and beats me up.” (Speaking hypothetically:) Here, my life is on the line. If I keep staying here, I might lose my life. If I die he might regain his senses, but I’m gone, and he gets married to another person. In the Western world we know that if that happens, it is abuse and the courts will try to get the woman out of the man’s house.

In most cases, the problem is the foundation is faulty from the beginning. That’s a tough situation. I will not say “go ahead and get a divorce.” I will go with what the Bible says at that point.

The first thing is the first thing. The best I can advise the woman is if it’s not safe for her to stay there at that point… what could be the reason for this? Are you the problem, is he the problem? The most important thing is to get help. It’s like two people that cannot see, walking together. How will they lead themselves? Even if the woman has to be separated at that point – I would think an intervention would be appropriate. The Bible does not say that if you marry a man and he says he doesn’t love you, divorce him. There are many people out there today that are in relationships that the guy is abusing her and they still go ahead and get married. Oh, please! What are we turning the Word into? And then later she wants to come up with a valid reason to leave this man. Or vice versa. The Bible says if the foundation is faulty, what can the righteous do? I would not advise anyone to leave his or her spouse for any reason than what the Bible says.

PD: Let’s look at marriage as a door that leads into a house. A lot of people don’t consider it well before they step through the door and get into the house. Maybe they feel like it’s a joke, “If the worst comes to the worst, I just get out.” Some just close their eyes. They say Jesus is the Answer for the world today. Whether you are born again or not, you still need Jesus. It needs to get to the point where even something as small as where I want to go this evening, I should hear from God, talk less of getting married to somebody. God always put it this way to me. “If I never asked you to get in, don’t ask Me, ‘God, should I get out?’ ” The Word of God is the manual for life. Some people are already separated in their spirit. It’s like putting a square substance in a round hole. Divorce is just a manifestation of what has already happened inside of them.

Be sure that this is the person, and that God asked you to get into it – then when the problem comes, go back to God. Don’t jump out because you don’t know what you’re jumping out into.

P: So how does a man know that a woman is supposed to be his wife?

PD: Marriage is not for boys, it’s for men. The difference between boys and men is just maturity. The Bible says as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are sons of God. It didn’t say they are children of God. They are sons – they are matured. The first thing is being led by the Spirit of God. A lot of people are misled; they think this is God, but it is not God. Just like we have physical senses, we also have spiritual senses. Just like we can perceive things in the realm of the physical, we can perceive things in the spiritual. Some people say “Something just told me that this is my wife.” It’s the Spirit of God but they are not aware that it is God that is drawing them to this person. I’m not talking about lust, but inner conviction. Inner peace. Watch out for confirmations. When you realize how important your life is, you don’t have a choice – you just have to build yourself up. People find it’s so important to build themselves for a career. Why don’t you build yourself for life?

Someone said, a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage, but a lot of people don’t want that. There was somebody that we were really in love, but a lot of times when we were going for ministration, I would hear “This is not your wife.” I would push it out, but I knew within that this was God talking to me. It happened [many times] – I always say I cried more than the lady when I told her we had to break up. But God told me “It’s not about now, it’s about the future.”

P: We’re always told that women should not pursue men. What happens when a woman is attracted to a godly man – perhaps a friend – but he is not interested? What should she do?

S: This is what I would do. As single ladies, many times, you see guys that are good looking and you wish he is yours. But he’s probably not yours. Or he could be yours. If you have any conviction in your heart and you know it is God talking to you that this person is yours – I would go to God first, I wouldn’t go to the man. When we pray to God, He hears us. I would say “God, let this guy notice me.” I would not go to the guy and tell him “I love you” or “God has told me that you’re my husband.”

PD: There has to be a connection.

S: Yes, there has to be a connection. I would pray “God, if you really are telling me that this man is my husband, open his eyes towards me.” I would not behave as if he doesn’t exist. I can find a way to get myself noticeable to him, but I will not go to him. There was a marriage where this man – I guess he was really shy – he prayed, “God, the woman You want for me, let her come to me and propose to me.” And that is what happened with his wife. This is the power of prayer. Let’s look at Mary, the mother of Jesus. She was living her life and the angel appeared to her and told her “You are highly favored among women. The Holy Spirit will come upon you and you will bear a child.” That is out of her control; the Holy Spirit is in control at this point. In this case, you have to be sure that it is God talking to you. I would search myself to know that I am really hearing from God. I wouldn’t just jump on that man. I would be friendly to him but I would let God take care of that aspect.

P: What is more important between trust and communication?

S: They are both very important in any relationship. Trust is quite powerful. It could be there, but the communication might not be adequate, and without that communication, a lot of things can come in. The Bible says that we should not be ignorant of the devices of the enemy, which is the devil. A lot of times the devil tries to look for loopholes and if the communication is not there, anything can just go wrong. Even as you are communicating, you have to have the trust in your partner. They go hand in hand.

P: Why do you think marriages don’t seem to last these days?

PD: There has to be commitment. I don’t want to sound biased but I think what used to keep marriages in those days was values. Marriage is sacred, people couldn’t just break up like that, so they stayed committed and they went through it. Even when they did not have the wisdom to deal with something, they hung in there. We are living in a time when they say marriage is not a bed of roses. You don’t just tell people marriage is not a bed of roses. Roses have thorns, even if it was a bed of roses. You need wisdom and you need the Holy Spirit. I would bring in Christ. There are times when the Holy Spirit is making you sensitive. He may tell you to go to your wife, “Go and ask her, is she okay?” She is not telling me anything yet, but I will just ask, “Are you okay?” She will say “I’m fine, I’m okay.” Then maybe a few minutes later she will come and open up and say “Something happened and I was hurt and…” “But I asked if you were okay and you said you were okay…” and I will explain that I didn’t mean it and all that. When you asked about communication – communication is important because a faulty communication can also destroy trust. You need the Holy Spirit and you need self-control.

The devil is really against marriages right now. The world needs to know it. My parents – my dad is late but when he was alive I watched them, their fights and everything and I would practically feel the presence of the enemy. I would know both of them were influenced. What the devil uses most of the time is emotion. Emotion is good but there are times you need to hold on to your emotions. Sometimes you want to say “I know my right,” or “I’m going to show him.” The devil sows seed and says “This man is not reliable,” or “Oh, can you remember what she said?” It takes the Holy Spirit to purge your heart and help you forget about those things.

These things build up these days and then it gets to a point where their cup is full and running over and that person is not going to go back. It’s terrible. People just one day ask themselves, “How did we get to this point?” It’s like a journey. They’ve been taking those gradual steps. That’s why small things really matter. Don’t say “It was just a little fight.” You need to take care of it. You need to communicate and program yourself to know you are human beings. A lot of people see the person they are going to marry as angels. Yes, she has the spirit of God but she is human. Someone said, “Before you get married, put on your glasses. Use your magnifying glass. When you get married, throw it away.”

P: Do you guys keep any secrets from each other?

PD: That is like cancer.

P: So you tell each other everything?

PD: Aaah! You are saving your marriage by telling everything. There is nothing you keep that will not come out. It’s just a matter of time. There are some things that you keep that would not have been so bad if you had shared it with your partner. But because time went over it, that person will say “Why didn’t you tell me in the first place? There must be something deeper!” And then trust [becomes] shaky. When someone doesn’t trust his partner, God forbid, that is the doorway out. Communication is important. There is a way you can say a lot of things without saying anything. My wife knows the relationships I’ve been in before I got married. Nobody can now come and say “Your husband, I know him.” She will say “I know you. I have not met you but I know you.”

P: But men find it hard to open up to their wives. I interviewed someone a few days ago and she says she knows of many couples where the wife does not know what the husband does at his job and so on. How can wives help their men open up to them?

PD: One thing is very important. I will say it in two ways. For the woman, like you said, she needs to encourage the man to open up. If each time a man says something little, she overreacts, it takes a very strong man to share something deeper with her next time. It takes a very disciplined and very strong man. The same goes for the man. At times when women want to advise you, they feel as if they are talking to their two-year-old son. I know she is saying the right thing, and I want her to advise, but I will take it easy. When your spouse stops advising you, because you can’t see everything, you are in trouble. What you want to achieve at the end of the day is for me to change. But for you to be able to achieve it, you have to know how to go about it. But even if she doesn’t do it the right way, I will still try. If you want your man to always open up, there are some things he is going to tell you, hmm! Just hold yourself. Even if you’re hurt, just go to God, “God, help me to express myself the right way.” Let the man understand. Next time, the man will be careful, he will not want to repeat it. Always encourage him to share. It is going to save your marriage. A married man of God was struggling to get out of a bad relationship. The Holy Spirit said “The only way you can get out is by telling your wife. Tell her everything.” He almost died, but he actually told his wife. After telling his wife, the grip fell off, because it was no longer a secret. The devil thrives in secrets, in the dark, in deception, in lies, in corners, in places that are hidden.

P: How can women avoid nagging?

S: (laughs) Well… the best way to avoid it is by praying to the Holy Spirit to help you. It’s a process. Just like my husband mentioned earlier, a lot of times [when] we try to advise our husbands, we talk to them like they are our sons. We women always feel like our husbands are our children. I sometimes refer to them as our firstborn. I think a lot of times it does not start out with us looking as if we’re nagging. We feel we’re doing the right thing. A lot of times we’re not nagging out of wanting to nag. I think it’s that familiarity, that expectation, it’s the way we are built. Men are a little different when it comes to that. My husband will not say “You should have done this!” He will say, “Why don’t you do it like this?” The best way is asking the Holy Spirit to help you because you want to be free talking to your husband, but at the same time, men might feel like you’re talking them down. And we really can actually nag. The way I’ve gone about it, and I’m still in the process, is saying “God, help me.” One other thing is self-control, especially when we see something that we don’t really think is right.

P: Did you have any perceptions before marriage that changed when you got married?

S: I always heard that after marriage, men change. When I am talking to ladies who  are about getting married I say maybe your partner does some things right now, but if he doesn’t do it the same way after you get married, don’t feel like he doesn’t love you or that he is loving you less. When my husband and I were courting, there were some things that I would not immediately think of saying I’m sorry about. You don’t want to keep from talking to each other especially having a long-distance relationship. When you’re courting you know he’ll call you first so you can afford to say “I’ll stay away a little bit.” And he would call back. But in marriage, I would not even want it to extend for another minute. It’s not worth it.

P: Which man in the Bible does your husband remind you of, and why?

S: My husband reminds me of David in the Bible.

P (joking): Is it because of his name?

S: It’s not because of his name. The Bible records David as a man after God’s heart. It wasn’t God just choosing David. David made mistakes, but he knew how to seek God. He laid his life down for God. Every step he took, he consulted with God (of course except when he committed adultery). My husband is a worshipper. My husband can be in the presence of God for hours. This is what he has built himself for. After a while I would say “I’m done!” But he taught me to get much deeper. He is a God-seeker. He loves God. That Presence, He doesn’t joke with it.

P: Pastor David, who does your wife remind you of, and why?

PD: This woman that is called the virtuous woman. The Bible says that because of her character and her nature, her husband will be recognized at the gate of the city. Those people that sat at the gate in those days were the decision-makers in the city, important people. My life is very hard-working, and it’s not as if someone is pushing her to work hard, it’s habitual. Sometimes I’m the one who says, “Go and rest.” A friend of mine called me one day and said, “Your wife is always in action!” I actually prayed for that. I know where God is taking me to and I said, “God, I can’t afford to marry just any type of woman.” I’ve heard of some men of God and their wives are so diligent in handling the things of God and handling the family and I specifically prayed and said “God, You are giving me a big vision. If You don’t want this whole vision to sink, You have to give me a woman like this. A virtuous woman.”

- End

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Years back, I never did pay that much attention to my nails. I thought no one really noticed them. One day I talked to my male friends and some of them told me that the first thing they noticed in a lady was her hands and nails! Ladies, these so called ‘small things’ count a big deal! People do notice…

Furthermore, as women we love to talk with our hands and this attracts alot of attention to our finger nails hence the need to treat them well. We do not want people looking at us and wondering how beautiful ladies like us can have such unkempt nails. I am not saying that you have to go and splurge on expensive manicures and pedicures – but if you can afford it by all means go for it! – all am saying is taking care of our nails is important and not a difficult task. For example, if you keep a nail kit in your bag, you can always file or cut your nails anywhere, discreetly of course.

Did you know that your nails are an indicator of your general health? Taking care of our nails is important. Here are a few basic techniques on how we can take good care of our nails which I adapted from the Health and Wellbeing site:

1. Wash your hands with mild soap using a nail brush.
2. Soak the hands in warm water for a few minutes to soften the cuticles.
3. Trim the nails to the same length with a nail cutter, no bitting.
4. File the ends of the nails. Remember to always file in the same direction.
5. Apply some hand cream or lotion. Always have some in your bag.
6. Drink alot of water.
7. Fortify your diet with vitamins.
8. Touch up your manicure often e.g make saturday nights or whichever day your not busy and do home manicures and pedicures. Avoid picking, scratching, digging or pinching your nails.
9. Use products containig alcohol sparingly.

Warning Signs:

1. White bands across the nails are caused by protein deficiency.
2. Insufficient intake of vitamin B12 can lead to excessive dryness, darkening of nails, rounded and curved ends.
3. Insufficient zinc can cause development of white spots on the nails.
4. Red skin around your cuticles can be caused by poor metabolism of essential fatty acids.
5. Eat a diet composed of 50% fruit and raw vegetables to supply necessary vitamins, minerals and enzymes.
6. Drink fresh carrot juice daily as it is high in calcium and phosphorus which are excellent for strengthening nails.

Ladies, start paying extra attention to your nails, treat them well. If you are prone to biting your nails, use an anti-biting nail polish. When applying nail polish, always start with the base coat to protect the nails. Then apply the colour you want and finish off with a clear topcoat to add gloss. Ensure you store nail polish in the refrigerator to maintain a smooth consistency. Another thing I do to make my nails appear even whiter: dig your nails into the white part(the inside part) of an orange rind and let the white part bits stay in your finger nails for five minutes. Remove them and wash your hands, they will be so white you will be surprised!

Take a few moments and look at your nails, have they suffered some neglect like mine once upon a time? It is not to late to start to treat them right. God bless you ladies and always remember Psalms 139:14 which says you are fearfully and wonderfully made!

You are beautiful!

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Some of us keep the same carpet for eons and can point out how 17-year old James spilt oil on one spot and a visitor ripped the center three years ago. Some carpets contain germs, mold, and so many other things that can have people wondering why the members of a certain household are constantly getting sick, and why visitors walk in and begin to sneeze.

For these same reasons, some people choose to do away with carpets altogether.

Carpeting can make or break a house. In order to have a beautiful, welcoming abode, it is important to be careful to select the right carpet for the right section of the house. Carpets can make a room feel larger or smaller, cleaner or dirtier, inviting or repelling, airy or suffocating.

The first thing that you must consider before selecting a carpet for a room or section of the house is the amount of traffic that part of the house will have. Home entrances, living rooms, playrooms, hallways and stairways should have strong, durable, quality carpets. These are of course more expensive, but it is cheaper in the long run to have one carpet for years than to replace one every few months.

Next, you need to figure out the type of traffic that a room will have. Five children can do more damage to a carpet than ten adults. Rooms that are used for plenty of activity or for children are better off with carpets that are both stain-resistant and easy to clean. We all know that children can find ways to stain even stain-resistant items.

What purpose does the room serve? A prayer room is better off with warm, soft tones that do not give a room a loud and cluttered feeling. Walking into a very loud room at 5am for quiet, morning prayer and study can be very disheartening. An exercise room on the other hand should preferably have loud, energetic colors that are not easily stained. A living room should have warm, inviting colors that make people feel that they have walked into a home and not a tight, formal, cold space.

Patterns also matter. Spiral lines, numerous squares, thousands of flowers all give different feelings from dizziness to a sense of the 1950s. Select patterns that are appealing to you but that also make sense and are not distracting depending on the purpose of the room.

Consider the colors in the room and select colors that complement them perfectly or greatly contrast them. You do not want to have deep red curtains with a purple carpet and orange sofa. You probably also do not want to have a white carpet in a playroom or a dining area. A gray carpet will make a room dull and dark; a pink one is both hard to match and too bright for some people. It perhaps belongs only in a girls’ room or playroom. You should select a carpet that is easy to match even if it outlasts your furniture. Having carpets in bright, unique colors will mean always having to consider the carpet when buying furniture. For such colors, it is better to select lighter, softer shades to test them out.

Lighting is very important, too. A carpet can tone down a warm room and make it cooler, or make a cold room warmer. Carpets can also brighten or darken a room. A dark carpet in a room with large windows and plenty of sunlight can actually begin to fade with time, because of the sun shining directly on it.

Finally, having considered all these options, take a look at your budget. You can get a good carpet without breaking the bank. Shop around, carry samples from home, take samples from shops. Look at them when you get home, then get some sleep and look at them again the next day and see if you feel the same way about them. You will have the same carpet for quite some time, hopefully, so you want to choose wisely.

Next: Carpet maintenance – old carpets can be as good as new!

Image credits: Image 1: Avant Images

Image 2: Uppercutrf

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Many have been abused sexually, verbally, physically and so many other ways; this kind of experiences have made people justify why they have decided not to forgive the source of their abuse. I have been there and so I understand what it feels like. It is much harder for many people to forgive, because the person that has offended is not remorseful and worst still he/she refuses to see they were wrong and refuse to apologise. As hard as it may seem, forgiving people is not an option, it is a command that we have to obey to even be able to call ourselves Christians! This might sound like an extreme statement, but let us consider some scriptures:

Luke 11:4
Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us. And lead us not into temptation. ‘

Matthew 6:12
forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.

One thing is clear from these scriptures – we receive forgiveness from the Lord as long as we forgive others of their sins against us. When we refuse to forgive others, we cannot receive the forgiveness of the Lord. Another scripture puts it this way:

Matthew 6:14 – 15
for if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you

But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

And who is a Christian when his/her sins are not forgiven? To approach God in prayer, we need to forgive others of their wrongs against us.

Mark 11:25
and when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.

Remember the story of the slave (Matthew 18: 23-35) who was forgiven much debt because he pleaded with his master, who later refused to forgive a fellow servant who owed him much less than he owed? In verse 32, his master said he was WICKED for not forgiving his fellow servant. Verse 34-35 reads:

And in wrath his master turned him over to the torturers (the jailers), till he should pay all that he owed. So also My heavenly Father will deal with every one of you if you do not freely forgive your brother from your heart his offenses.

We know that we ought to forgive others, but how many times is enough? The question we need to ask ourselves is how many times does God forgive us after we have committed, sometimes, the same sin over and over again? Peter asked the same question and Jesus said 490 times! I am pretty sure most of us would have lost count before we get to 490! I believe the message in Jesus’ answer is to forgive no matter how many times we have been sinned against.

Matthew 18:21-22 (Amplified Bible)

Then Peter came up to Him and said, Lord, how many times may my brother sin against me and I forgive him and let it go? [As many as] up to seven times? Jesus answered him, I tell you, not up to seven times, but seventy times seven!

What does it mean to forgive?  Simply put, to forgive is to let go of an offence/wrong done against us. It means to pardon, or excuse a wrong. Forgiveness has nothing to do with how we feel about the person because of the wrong they have done; forgiveness is a gift from us to the person that has sinned against us. The word itself: for-give combines two words, one of which points to giving. We usually give gifts to friends, co-workers, and family members for various celebrations; the truth is that the person we are giving gifts to do not always deserve it, but we give it anyways, because it is a gift. This is the same way God gave us his only begotten son, not because we deserved it. He gave his son while we were yet sinners because he loves us. That same love the father has shown to us is in us; it has been shed abroad in our hearts by his Spirit. So, there is nothing like I cannot forgive that person, I have tried but I just can’t! We are capable of forgiving sins, just like he forgave us. God will never ask us to do something that he has not given us the ability to do.

It appears that we cannot work with the Lord while holding anything against anyone. The scriptures also explain in 1 Peter 4:8: Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Do you know how love covers a multitude of sins? It forgives a multitude of sin, it does not go around telling everyone about the sin committed against it, and it does not speak evil of the one that as sinned against it; love forgives and lets go of the feeling of resentment, anger etc.

I am not by any means claiming that it is easy to forgive; it is so hard that some people would rather die than forgive some people the wrong they have done to them. The thing is this; there is no sin that was committed against you that Christ did not pay for on the cross for that person. As Christians we are “Christ Like”; if Christ did not only forgive the people that killed him but asked the father to forgive them too – what is that sin that we cannot forgive that person? We cannot afford not to forgive because we cannot afford not to be in right standing with God.

Remember that forgiveness is not earned, it is a gift.

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Hey Joyce,
Great question! Getting the right amount of fruits and vegetable is an issue I myself struggle with. I have a few recommendations…add fruits to snacks… use fresh fruit to make smoothies at home and eat a juicy fresh salad with your meals. Try to keep things colorful and varied by never eating the same thing too much and try eating fruits you’ve never tasted before. These are options I added to my every day routine and I hope it works for you.
Stay blessed
T

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Every woman has an idea about Mr. Right, and the qualities that she would love to see in him. Over and above tall, dark and handsome qualities (the list is endless), there are other qualities and characteristics that, well, almost every woman, and especially women of God look out for. The same case applies to our men. Of course it is hard for one to find a partner with all the exact qualities they are looking for, and without flaws.

Therefore one may be forced to compromise a few qualities for the benefit and/ or survival of a relationship.

However, over time and having talked to numerous ladies and men as well, I have come to realise that there are a few qualities that should appear in every girl’s non-compromise/ non-negotiable list. These are things no girl should compromise on and consequences may be dire if the contrary happens. I have tried to think of my top four non negotiables which I will share with you. I know the list might be longer depending on woman to woman and I welcome your opinions.

1. Either me or God/ family:
Malaika (not her real name) is born again and has been serving in various church departments at her church. Two years ago she met the man of her dreams and a few months down the line, they were well on their way down the altar. However, her personal life was slowly grinding to a halt. She was slowly losing herself. She stopped serving in church and eventually stopped attending the Sunday services. When her friends confronted her she told them that her fiancé did not want her to be involved in church activities because it was time wasting and they would rather spend that time together.

This story may sound like fiction to some of you but there are actually people who have lived it. You were having a perfectly good relationship with God and serving him with all your heart until something happens that makes you go full circle. Do not get me wrong, I don’t mean that every failed relationship is because of some guy. However we need to be careful whom we give our hearts to. A famous gospel band sang and said,
“It’s a slow fade, when you give yourself away…. when black and white turns to grey… people never crumble in a day”.

I couldn’t agree more. As women of God we need to re-evaluate our lives and relationships. A good relationship is the one that draws us close to God and our families and not the opposite way. If your partner draws you away from what is good and what is God’s, think twice.

2. Shaky or no relationship with God
What kind of relationship does he have with God? In Mathew 6:39 Jesus asks, “can a blind man lead another blind man? Will they not fall into a pit?” Well I ask, can a blind man lead a (wo)man with sight? A man is supposed to be the head. He is the one who gives spiritual leadership and directions. For this reason, he needs to be in constant communication with God as regards the affairs of the family. If the man does not know his position, or if he knows and ignores, it means that there will be no spiritual leadership in your relationship or marriage. Spiritual leadership will most likely be delegated to you.

3. Boundaries
It is good to be liberal at times. However, it is dangerous to be liberal about everything all the time. I recently met someone who believes that it is ok to engage sexually, as long as you do not have actual intercourse. I was perturbed! I could not believe this person and could not reconcile myself with the fact that the said person was a Christian. (Ok, maybe my upbringing was very conservative or I have a different way of translating the Bible). The Bible says in Ephesians 5:3 says, “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality or of any kind of impurity…because these are improper for God’s holy people.” Paul in 1st Corinthians 6 tells us that our bodies are members of Christ and that we should flee from sexual immorality. The bible does not have to define what qualifies as sexual immorality. 1Thessalonians 4: 3-5“For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honour, not in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God.”

Everyone needs to have clearly defined boundaries. If you are in a relationship, you need to discuss your personal boundaries and relational boundaries. This would not only further the growth of your relationship but also expose the grey areas which need to be dealt with. As I was writing this, I remembered sometime back reading somewhere a note that said, if God was liberal, He would have had the ten suggestions not the Ten Commandments.

4. Show me your friends.
Show me your friends and I will tell you the person you are. The Bible says that bad company corrupts good morals. Who are your friends? Who are your partner’s friends? Do they build you or break you? Proverbs 13:20 says “walk with the wise and you will become wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.” How, where and with whom do you spend time? In this day and age of computers, I am sure most of us are familiar with the term Garbage in garbage out. To some extent, human beings are more or less like computers. What kind of company do you keep? Whatever we are exposed to in our day to day lives determines our behaviour and the choices we make. I believe friends have a major part in your lives. If you want to be a giant you need to walk with giants, therefore you need to prayerfully consider your friendships and what impact they have in your relationship. Keep friends who will impart wisdom and knowledge in your lives. This does not only apply to your partner but to you as well.

Nothing could summarize my thoughts better than the words in Psalm 1:

Blessed is the man that walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law does he meditate day and night. And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper. The ungodly are not so: but are like the chaff which the wind drives away. Therefore the ungodly shall not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous. For the LORD knows the way of the righteous: but the way of the ungodly shall perish.

As I mentioned, this list is by no means exhaustive. However, I pray that this information will help you gauge your relationship with your Mr. Right and that the Lord will help both of you will do the right thing in your relationship. Amen.

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Hey Erica,
Girl, thanks for sending in your question because it is an issue SO many women deal with. There are different disorders of the menstrual cycle; oligomenorhea are infrequent periods where a woman can go as many as six months without seeing their periods, menorrhagia where women experience periods that are excessively heavy; and last but not least, menometrorrhagia. Women with menometrorrhagia have heavy irregular periods, so in one month, a woman can have 2-3 heavy menstrual periods.

Causes…
From your question, it is easy to deduce that you are experiencing menorrhagia but it could be menometrorrhagia depending on how often you see your period. The reason for these menstrual disorders are so varied but includes:

Coagulation- What happens when you cut your finger? It bleeds for a few seconds and then stops right? It’s not by chance but by God’s design of coagulation. Proper coagulation ensures that every cut gets healed and you don’t bleed to death. A person with coagulation problems could bleed for hours from a simple cut; on the same note, a woman with coagulation issues could have excessively heavy periods. If you notice that you bruise/bleed easily and heavy, your menorhagia could be a result of this.

Fibroids- In a past edition, I explained fibroids to be abnormal muscle growths in the uterus; the presence of fibroids is another cause for excessive bleeding.

Endometrial lining- The lining of the uterus is shed with every period. A woman with consecutively missed periods can have a buildup of this lining and when she finally gets her period, she bleeds heavily.

Treatment
As I mentioned, coagulation problems could be a cause of menorrhagia and if this is your cause, your doctor could easily treat most issues that interrupt coagulation with regular IV drugs. The following reasons are for the other causes of menorrhagia; on initial visit, your doctor would recommend Ibuprofen (Advil/Motrin/Aleeve)….which is more surprising; the fact that something so generic is the treatment or the fact that all these three drugs are EXACTLY the same thing? LOL. Either way, Ibuprofen has the ability to reduce the amount of blood loss. If the symptoms don’t resolve, your doctor would prescribe Combined oral contraceptive pill aka Birth control pills. Another shocker? birth control pills are a very sensitive topic within the church because a lot of Christians are under the misconception that if you use the pill, you must be sexually active. The truth is that the pill is not only for contraception, but also helps women regulate their menstrual periods. If this also fails to control your symptoms, doctors would recommend regular hormone injections and last but not least, surgery to remove fibroids or block the artery that bleeds during menstruation. I would advise you to make an appointment with OB/GYN in order to control your bleeding and prevent complications such as anemia, fatigue and fainting spells.
Stay blessed
T

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The world today has devised very many deceitful ways and methods for progress and unfortunately most of the Christians have been ensnared. Certain things such as telling lies in order to get a promotion, going through carpet interviews that is having sex with bosses, firing people without a valid reason, practising nepotism, tribalism, impersonating someone so as to take over their business opportunities and deals. Or even charging very high interest on loans or offering counterfeit goods and services all in a bid of making much more money are some of the corrupt ways that there are and have been made to look normal and okay.

As a Christian, is this really right? Of course in the eyes of God it is not. God desires that whatever we do we do it for his glory. Infact 2 Corinthians 5:9 -10 says, So we make it our goal to please Him, whether we are at home, in the body or away from it. For we must all appear before the judgement seat of Christ, that each one ma y receive what is due for him for the things done while in the body whether good or bad.

One of the noble stories of King David is found in 1Samuel 24 and 26. Twice, did the Lord deliver king Saul in the hands of David and his men urged him to kill him, stating that the Lord had delivered Saul in his hands for him to finish him. But David was conscious of the ways of the Lord, he refused to lay his hand on the servant of God and let God have his way in spite of him knowing that he was the next king of Israel He made a choice that endeared him more to God instead of pleasing himself and he had a great understanding. 1 Samuel 26:23 says The Lord rewards every man for his righteousness and faithfulness, and indeed thereafter God made even his enemy be at peace with him to the extent of blessing him. The Bible says, in verse 25, that Saul replied, May you be blessed, my son David; you will do great things and surely triumph. Chances are had David decided to kill king Saul, there could have erupted a war between his people and those of Saul causing unnecessary bloodshed.

We always have a chance to make a choice. We can either choose to hasten our progress through wrong means or the right ones. There is surely a great reward from the Lord when we choose to bring him glory. For some the Lord may have spoken and promised great destinies and they seem to be taking too long or not true at all ,but remember the bible says in Habakkuk 2:3, For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger wait for it; it will certainly come and not delay. God will prove faithful. Wait on Him.

Some things that come along the way may look very enticing, great opportunities to make a lot of money, to help advance, but it is important to pause and ponder whether God is in it and if He would be proud of the deal. If the answer is no or there is doubt, then it is only right to let it go and trust God for a bigger opening which He will be a part of. He will surely open up a bigger door for you. In fact, more often than not when there is a great blessing ahead, sometimes look-alikes or misleading counterfeits come our way to make us lose focus and deviate us from our right path of destiny which is actually what the enemy aims at-for us never getting to our destiny. It is good to always know and have this confidence that when we go God’s way, no matter what we lose, however painful it may be, at the end of the day victory is ours and we will please the Lord and give him glory through our actions. Psalms 32:8 the Bible says, I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you. Indeed, the blessing that the Lord gives adds no sorrow to our lives but makes us rich in every aspect.

It is we who determine the cost we want to pay for our progress. Choice and decision are in our hands for God has given us free will. It is my prayer that we honour the Lord in all we do .Where we have already fallen short, let us take some time off and repent and then begin a new way of life. There is everything to gain when walking and working with God and everything to loose without him. Proverbs 3:5-6, Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your path straight. (NIV)

God bless you

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NOTE: If you have been in a relationship for more than two years, you probably want to skip this article and go straight to point #4 at the very bottom.

NOTE 2: If you are looking for ways to manipulate a human being, please look elsewhere, this article will not help you.

I have to lay some ground work first.

Is he ready to marry ANYONE?

Some signs that the answer is No:

He is not born again.

It is impossible to love a human being who is not related to you, unconditionally for life without the grace of God. Some people cannot even love their own relatives. So if he does not have God, let him not have you. RUN for your life.

He cannot provide.

God first created Adam, then put him to tend the field, then got him to name the animals, THEN created Eve. At least back then, they could eat without working. But after the curse, we eat from the sweat of our brow. If Adam brings Eve into the picture and he has no work, what will poor Eve eat? RUN for your life, Eve.

He is immature in crisis-handling.

The basic crisis of paying for a date is one thing, ladies real men take the bill. If he cannot afford an expensive place, then he should pay for a cheaper option. The bottom line is he should pay up. But then there are other things that can show his maturity. Does he punch every man that says hello to you? If he does then he still has some growing up to do. You need someone who can be wise if you are attacked by thieves and if you encounter someone who needs kind speech and not blows, eg someone in a bigger position who has something you need. If he responds to everything with blows please RUN.

He is violent, verbally abusive, or addicted to alcohol or any drug.

RUN.

Just run, don’t even continue reading this article or wait for an explanation or try to defend him.

Is he interested in marrying YOU?

Ladies of the kingdom, men know what they want. I saved for three good years to be able to buy my dilapidated jalopy of a car. I went to the United States and worked three jobs and went to school at the same time so that I could come back home and support my family. You think I am not sure of the kind of person I want to marry, or if I know it’s not you?

If he wants to marry you, it won’t take him too long to figure it out, and it’s likely:

He makes an effort to provide.

One of the primary desires every man has is the desire to rescue a damsel in distress. When you go to court, to the hospital, to the bank, to the office, even if you are the president, you can be whoever you want to be but please follow this tip, when you get home as a wife, your man expects you to be his wife. Be a woman. A home is like a body, two heads and it is deformed.

It has come up in conversation.

Eg. “Oh! that’s the kind of house I would want us to live in!” or “Should we open an account with Barclays or Kenya Commercial Bank?” When you say “That’s  a cute elderly couple,” he might respond with, “I hope we are that close on our 80^th anniversary,” or he might even say something you might consider negative such as “When we get married that might have to change.” If marriage has not come up in CASUAL conversation, I hope it has at least come up and he does not avoid it like an incurable virus.

He is concerned about how you present yourself.

If you walk around like a slut and your boyfriend doesn’t care it means he does not tie his reputation to your behavior so he may not care as much about you as you imagine he does. Same goes for something like your status update. A young lady I know put something angry on her facebook and five minutes later took it down when I was about to comment. I asked why, and she said her boyfriend did not like it. She was complaining to me that she found it chauvinistic. I told her he would propose shortly. The first reason I said that, was he had shown concern. The second was she had respected him. Guess what? They are getting married this November. I’m not a prophet so that shows I am right.

He doesn’t rush or pressure you into sex.

There may be those occasions of temptation where it is a struggle but overall he will do his best to keep away from fornication. If you are having sex just sit down and ask yourself, who in their right mind would pay for something valuable if they could get it for free? You know you wouldn’t, so if you are sleeping with him, don’t fault him if he doesn’t think a ring on your finger is a priority.

You have met his parents and friends.

No point getting their hopes up if he knows he is wasting your time.

He has met your parents and friends.

If he has not met them in five years and does not care to meet them, something is wrong. Yes we can be slow but we are not that slow.

Everybody assumes you will get married – and they do not get into a panic when they think about it.

How then do you get him to propose…

…if he is showing all these signs and you believe he is the man for you?

I don’t know which should come first between this and the next point, so let us have two #1’s.

#1. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES PROPOSE TO HIM!

I don’t care what you have seen on TV. One good reason for this is if you propose to a man, you will have to take the leadership role in many other things. When things go wrong he will tell you he did not ask to marry you anyway.

#1. ASK YOURSELF – “WHY DO I WANT HIM TO PROPOSE?”

-Are you panicking? Are your friends getting married in large numbers and you think it is time for you to get married too? This is not a good reason. Calm down, be objective and pray to get your thoughts straight. Never get married because of pressure.

-Can you live without him? This might sound strange, but if you cannot live without him, you are not ready to be married. It means he is an idol and so is marriage. The only person you should not be able to live without is God.

-Do you think it is a way out of poverty, loneliness, boredom, etc? If so, you need to sit down and think about it again because there are many broke, lonely, bored, MARRIED people out there.

#2. Don’t nag.

Nagging is the #1 way to get him NOT to marry you.

#3. Let him see why he should marry you.

-Will his money be safe? Every man wants to know that should he leave things to you, they will be taken care of. If he thinks his property will be squandered the minute you enter into a union then he has a good reason for not wanting to marry you. This is because he is probably hoping to have children and would want them to be in safe hands.

-Will he be separated from his friends and family? A divisive woman is not attractive to any man. Overprotectiveness is immature and looks desperate. Let him have his space because he needs it as you do.

-Can he live without you? Now this is a little ironic but a man needs to be able to see that he cannot live without you, why? Because you are created specifically to help him. So show him that he cannot live without you. Some ways to do this are by first being yourself, but also in your own way adding such value to his life that if you were to walk away, he would have lost a precious treasure.

#4. Give him an ultimatum.

He is more interested in your actions than your words. Talk is cheap. Once he has seen that you are a valuable treasure, let him “show you the money” ie let him commit to having you as HIS treasure. If you know your worth, you will never let a man use you. If he knows your worth, he will not let you go but he might need a wake-up call. Tell him point blank but graciously, that he has no right to your time if he is not willing to commit to it. There is no difference between him and any other man if you are not married or headed towards marriage so why should he get special treatment? Remember to do it respectfully.

If after all this he lets you go, let him go – trust me it’s his loss.

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It’s really hot out there, isn’t it! Many have already experienced their 90 degree Fahrenheit weather. What do you do if you want to sit outside but would rather do without the sunburn? You get yourself a patio umbrella, also known as the sunbrella or parasol.

Here are some things to consider before you get your parasol.

What can you afford? Cheaper versions go for about $250, and the more-expensive ones can cost up to $2,500.

How much shade would you like? If you have a large deck or back yard, a tiny umbrella would look pointless and dwarfed. If you have a small space, a large umbrella would crowd out the space and disturb the eyes.

Would you like it freestanding or on a patio table?

If you want a freestanding umbrella, you will need a firmer, more solid base. For a table umbrella, you do not need a very heavy base as the table itself provides support at the center, where the umbrella is held.

What color would you like to buy? Bright colors are more appealing and fun. Some people like their outdoor furniture to match their house. Whatever color you go for, if the umbrella stands on a patio table, it should not clash with the furniture around it.

Poles, frames or ribs?

Poles are stronger, but they rarely tilt, and take more work to get the umbrella up.

Frames are usually made of fiberglass, wood, or metal. With wood, you get a prettier look, but metal and fiberglass are more neutral and can match many kinds of furniture. They also do not tilt.

Ribs will tilt and are quite firm. They last longer than aluminium poles, but they tip over easily during strong winds.

Tilt or no tilt?

If it tilts, it provides more options for shade and can be modified as the sun moves (although it is really the earth that moves). If it has no tilt, you will have to move your table and chairs to the shade as the sun moves.

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Business experts hold the opinion that business planning is about a journey which charts a route to your destination. It identifies the major hazards that you should watch for along the way and it gives you strategies for coping with obstacles and landmarks to confirm your progress. They show where you started, where you are going and how to get there.

There are some general objectives that good business plans aim at meeting, such as being a formal expression of the planning process; which helps highlight opportunities and risks, uncovers inconsistencies and provides a guide for operating and reacting to real world events. It should aim at being a request for funding; in which case it can help raise revenue for a new business or additional equity for an existing business, loan capital for an ongoing enterprise  or trade credit and the  justification of allocating resources to a pet business. It should aim at being a framework for approval; in which case an individual or board of directors can approve of it and it should also aim at being a tool for operational business management; and in this case it will act as a yardstick, providing limits and goals against which to measure actual  performance. Considering the target audience and what they will be looking for is also of paramount importance because different people understand things differently, mostly based on their professions and experiences. For instance, a banker will love financial analysis. An accountant will love figures and a marketer will want to see the revenue section to verify  where the incomes are coming from. The less numerate will want to read on and on without many figures.

It is possible to develop a successful  business plan. All it takes is putting in consideration some obvious concerns such as what and why you are planning. It is also important to define your business’ activities and its current status, identify  its external market and competitors and current market positioning ,develop a strategy for achieving the objectives, identify risks and opportunities, develop another strategy for limiting risks and exploiting opportunities, then go ahead and refine the strategies into working plans, follow this up by projecting the costs and revenues and let it translate into developing a plan, document it concisely, get it approved and then ensure that you use it. It is good to bear in mind that a business plan should be as short as possible because it is probable that the people you want to read and approve it have many more reading materials and may not pay adequate attention to a lengthy business plan. In case of  heavy  material, where possible it is prudent to summarize it in the text and include full details in the annexes.

It is also important to know that when documenting your plan, you should begin with certain inevitable preliminaries like the table of contents, contacts and definitions. You should provide an executive summary, set the scene by describing the business, review the market and the competition therein as well as your marketing position, explain your vision, mission and objectives, describe your strategy, explain your plans for developing your products and services and set out your financial projections, highlight the risks and opportunities and finally reach a conclusion. Always remember that the amount of detail in each section, and the order in which the sections appear, depend on the business and the intended readership.

Writing a good and effective  business plan takes patience and time  but in the long run yields much fruit, and if properly used ensures success. Therefore, in this month of July, endeavour to make a good business plan for your God-given idea and you will see just how much your business will improve. If you have made one already, stick to it and follow it. If it needs improving, go ahead and improve it. While this is a guide to making a good business plan, I would encourge you to  carry out further research through the net or books like The Definitive Business Plan, 2nd edition by Richard Stutely which will add great value to your bank of knowledge. Above all pray and commit your work unto the Lord so that he may guide you and makes your way prosperous.

GOD BLESS YOU!

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