Bernard of Clairvaux, a French monk, once defined prayer as “a wine that makes glad the heart of man.”

The great English preacher, Charles Spurgeon, had no kind words for the prayerless as he once remarked, “Live and die without prayer and you will pray long enough when you get to hell.” He is also known for having called prayer the “thermometer of the church.”

Jesus, the one who gave us the Lord’s Prayer as a blueprint of communication with God is considered to have “offered all kinds of prayers and supplication …while on earth to the one who could save him (Hebrews 5:7)”.

The passage above doesn’t seem to indicate that Jesus only prayed at the dining table. It doesn’t sound like he prayed only when the wallet was thinner. He prayed while on earth, offering all kinds of prayer. He did not wait for Sunday morning or Lent. He did not wait for the mass, neither did he wait for the prayer breakfast nor the announcement on the microphone. To him prayer seemed to be a lifestyle.

“Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed,” Luke 5:16, reminding us that solitude – like corporate prayer – is key. He actually at one time went radical and advised that we lock the door behind us when we are praying (Matthew 6:5-8).

If Jesus had lived in our day, He probably would have known the distractions of office jokes enough to go downstairs and mumble a prayer. He would probably have pressed the red button on His remote control, and sat back in silence asking His father in heaven to help guard His heart from the subtle unbiblical attitudes planted by trivial television programming.

Perhaps He would have scheduled his “to do list” around consistent and intentional prayer times throughout the day. Perhaps.

Well, we may not know his probable choices, but one thing we know is that He gave us a model on how we should pray in Mathew 6:5-15.

Our Father in heaven
Hallowed be Your name
Thy kingdom come
Thy will be done
On earth, as it is done in heaven
Give us this day our daily bread
Forgive us our trespasses
As we forgive those who trespass against us
Lead us not into temptation
Deliver us from evil
For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory, forever,
Amen

For Jesus, this prayer, by principle, covered the key elements of prayer.

Prayer, regardless of the words we use:
Acknowledges the supremacy of our God.
Begs for his kingdom of God to come, not ours (self).
Seeks God’s will above all; not what we want first, as it is done in heaven.
Consists of repentance.
Seeks constant provision (give us this day our daily bread) and constant guidance (lead us not into temptation) and constant protection (deliver us from evil).

These seem to be the principles underlying Jesus’ teaching on prayer.

Prayer, for that matter, goes beyond asking for our needs, Florence Allshorns, an English missionary once put this fact so well: “The primary object of prayer is to know God, we and our needs should come second.”

Prayer is all the above –well, at least principally speaking.

In this age of self and the I-can-do-it-all-by-myself mentality, prayer also remains a sign of humility, a dependency on God, and spiritual warfare (Ephesians 6). Prayer also ought to be held in light of receiving Christ’s saving righteousness, as prayerful lives with routine unconfessed are spelt this way:
H-y-p-o-c-r-i-t-i-c-a-l.

God summons us to confess our sins to the One who is just and faithful to forgive us (1 John 1:9). That’s probably why deliberately, sinful, unrepentant and yet prayerful lifestyles may eventually degenerate into religion and legalism, for the prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective (James 5:16).

There you go. Next time you think of prayer, think of bowing your heart first before you bow your head, for the Lord cautions “For they confess Me with their lips but their hearts are far from Me” –Mathew 15:8.

Honestly, if prayer “is the best use of our words” as someone once put it, and “the wine that makes glad the heart of a man” like Bernard of Clairvaux remarked, then I think it’s time for Christians to get drunk, uh?

Especially those who guard ladies’ hostels. They have rare show of persistence; they will insist that a male visitor clearly identifies himself before entry.

Problem comes when you, the male visitor, do not have an identity card –and you still insist on entering “to see the girl.”

More tragic than that, however, is a situation where a Christian man is trying to pursue a godly young woman without a clear understanding of who he is in God.

I mean, this young man goes to church, probably serves there but has no knowledge of who he is in Christ. He borrows lines from the world: impression is everything. His pride tells him she has no right to tell him “no”. He flaunts everything material to impress her, almost worships the girl on the altar of rapid dates out. This kind of guy wants to get married because his friends at the same church are marrying. He totally doesn’t comprehend the call of Christ upon marriage as “Loving your bride as Christ loved the Church.”

I have a name for this kind of guy:

Son of Sceva.

His story is none different from the story I stumbled on the other day in Acts 19.

There was this Jewish priest in an area where Paul had just preached. He had seven sons who decided one day that they would have a go at chasing demons in the name of Jesus. Scripture says that these are the words they decided to use in the exorcism room:

“In the name of the Jesus whom Paul preaches, I command you to come out.” (Acts 19:13.)

And the story goes,

“One day, the evil spirit answered them, “Jesus I know, and Paul I know about, but who are you?” (Acts 19:16.)

Tough question. Who are you?

I wonder what their reaction was; they probably pulled out hankies and wiped their foreheads.

They had heard about Paul.

They had heard about Jesus – but not for themselves, only “the one Paul preached”

They actually did not know Jesus. They probably knew “about him” but had never “been with him”.

1. Service men

Something tells me these still live in our churches today (Lord I repent if I was ever one). They hang around Bible studies, go for outreaches, and even preach the gospel. They’ve heard about  “their pastor’s Jesus” but not their Jesus. They are at almost every church event. They help out at Pastor’s office but if you ever get a chance to peep into their private world, you will discover no schedule reserved “to be with Jesus” inspite of the incredible time they spend “serving Jesus”. To them, the words “personal devotion” sound like extracts from an astronomy class handbook.

And that’s just category one.

2. A form of godliness

Category two has those who are totally distant from both – the Savior and his service. They have a form of godliness but deny the power thereof (2 Timothy 3:5). They appear clad on Sunday morning. Their one motive is getting a good church girl for marriage. So they identify and escort. They “like” the Bible but have it lying dusty on their bedroom table. No wonder their conversations are laden with worldly lingua. Hollywood – not scripture – informs their thinking. Their television menu is no different from a growing non-believer’s. When you see these, my sisters, flee. If you delay, I’m afraid your antenatal may come before your wedding.

Warning:

It’s my sister in Christ’s obligation to watch out for wolves in sheep skin,(Matthew 7:15). But maybe before they know what they need to be “watching out” for, maybe they need to know what to “look out for.”

1. Knowing God

That fellow pursuing you should know God. And his commitment to that won’t be achieved through weekend rounds of English premier league soccer. Knowing God is primarily achieved through knowing His word as the lamp to his feet, (Psalms 119:105). Let the word pierce his bone and marrow (Hebrews 4:12) , if possible let him tie it on his hands and forehead (Deuteronomy 6:8). Just insist on him wearing it in his heart (even if it doesn’t match his attire)

2. Pursuing Godly fellowship

Girl, that brother should have a sense of what it means to persue godly community with other members of Christ’s body. He should have a church he is attached to. He shouldn’t be a church prostitute, here this Sunday, there another Sunday. Let him show you his commitment to “not give up meeting with other believers” (Hebrews 10:25). Let him show some desire to grow under somebody, a mentor or someone. Investigate his heart and commitment towards spiritual growth, he better comes out “A good workman, approved, correctly handling the word of truth.” (2 Timothy 2:15)

3. Godly masculinity

My Sister, the last thing you want in this world is to marry a man who will wake up at midnight asking you to go and see why the curtain is shaking. Godly masculinity should be a emblem of your man. Even if he’s just halfway through this pursuit, at least -he’s on the journey. If you love him, and are spiritually astute to recognize his leadership flaws, humbly encourage him to take lead where he falls short in the relationship. Be his helper; submit to him as you make sure he also in turn submits to Jesus (Ephesians 5:22:23). Lean on his arm as you ensure he gives of his time, tithe and resources to the One who ultimately matters in your relationship . At the end of the day the One who designed marriage in the first place is the One who should keep the first place.

4. Purpose

If your man doesn’t know where he is headed, any road will lead him there. Without a clearly defined life purpose, any purpose will work for him. It’s your dutiful feminine discernment of this situation that will tell whether you actually needed a leader for your relationship or you just wanted someone to “hang around” with. Like Gary Thomas, author of Sacred Marriage, writes: “When a girl seeks a husband, whether or not she says it out loud, she seeks a man who she believes can lead her and her children. This is true, and it is biblical. Girls are drawn to that quality in a guy, and sometimes Christian girls are drawn to the wrong guys because those guys seem to have that quality, misdirected and worldly as it may be.”

5. Vibe

There is slang in my generation that defines a boy “convincing” a girl as vibing. Its grammatical history is uncertain but at least most of our generation can tell what it means when we hear it. A godly man should be able to vibe, he should be able to articulate himself before the woman he desires to marry. The finest time together in date nights, gifts, and good muscles all can’t compensate for a man who profusely sweats at the sight of you. If he likes you, he better gather the courage to say it. You can tell a confident man who has not received a spirit of fear but of love, power and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7). You can tell when he appears as his confidence is consistently nourished in fellowship with Jesus. Ouch! That applies to me as well, talk of preaching at home first.

Southern Baptist Theological Seminary President Dr Albert Mohler has developed his own list here on the Marks of Manhood, I find them helpful to myself and to the women seeking a godly man to get married to.

1. Spiritual maturity sufficient to lead a wife and children.
2. Personal maturity sufficient to be a responsible husband and father.
3. Economic maturity sufficient to hold an adult job and handle money.
4. Physical maturity sufficient to work and protect a family.
5. Sexual maturity sufficient to marry and fulfill God’s purposes.
6. Moral maturity sufficient to lead as example of righteousness.
7. Ethical maturity sufficient to make responsible decisions
8. Worldview maturity sufficient to understand what is really important.
9. Relational maturity sufficient to understand and respect others.
10. Social maturity sufficient to make a contribution to society.
11. Character maturity sufficient to demonstrate courage under fire.. Verbal maturity sufficient to communicate and articulate as a man.
12. Biblical maturity sufficient to lead at some level in the church.

If any young woman be ready to settle for a biblical marriage, the aforementioned should not be overlooked, with the overriding factor being their ability to love God (doesn’t it all start from there anyway?). It is from a vibrant relationship with Christ that we men are able to ooze out unconditional love mirroring Christ’s love for the Church. Without it, we are blindly leading the women God has given us responsibility to serve, love and lead.

If your current man doesn’t not mirror any of the above, then there is probably a lot of renovation to do. And it’s his responsibility to secure most of the building materials while you – his girl – do some truck delivery at the construction site.

Although we’ve noticed the steady, pebble-by-pebble crumbling of the family for decades, we’re now watching the landslide. We live in an age where society is no longer content to simply ignore the sanctity of marriage and the family—it attacks it with a vengeance. God’s established order for life has become a threat to this culture’s pursuit of sexual freedom.

Consider the global range of attacks on the family within the last decade. Back in 2000, Dutch parliament passed the first legislation in history that granted same-sex couples the right to marry. Following the Netherland’s lead were Belgium (2003), Spain (2005), Canada (2005), South Africa (2006), and Norway (2008). Although traditional marriage was challenged much earlier in the U.S. (1993), social conservatives and moral majority leaders quickly enacted protective measures, prompting Congress to adopt same-sex marriage bans nationwide. The bans didn’t last long. Conservative “victories” were short-lived as judges began lifting bans and pushing Congress to amend the constitution. Since 2008, opposition against marriage and the family has intensified in America, taking many unsuspecting Christians by surprise.

The most recent example happened in California last week. On August 4, elected U.S. District Judge Vaughn Walker, himself a homosexual, carried out his own attack against the family. He used his judicial powers to overturn the will of California’s voters regarding Proposition 8, which proposed an amendment to California’s constitution, defining marriage as a union between a man and a woman. Judge Walker declared Proposition 8 unconstitutional. Period. At this point, Judge Walker has won a temporary victory for the pro-homosexual agenda to redefine the fundamental concept of marriage according to their preferred sin.

Brace yourself, believer. You’re going to keep seeing this fire-storm of opposition against the family. Soon, many people will consign Christians who uphold a biblical view of marriage and family to the same moral category as white supremacy groups, and they’ll consider any effort to oppose homosexuality as a hate crime. In fact, it won’t be long before this blog post becomes a violation of law, under “hate speech” legislation.

Take another example: Carrie Prejean, one of the contestants in the 2009 Miss USA pageant, made public statements against same-sex marriage. The media demanded her head on a platter. One of the judges, a homosexual, asked whether she believed every state should legalize same-sex marriage. Prejean responded, “I believe that marriage should be between a man and a woman.” Officials of the pageant immediately expressed outrage and open hostility toward her convictions. Prejean is no model of biblical Christianity, but the hostile reactions to her simple confession is a sample of what’s to come.

With mounting intensity, society continues to wage war on the traditional, biblical view of the family. Another key player in this war is Hollywood. Whenever Hollywood portrays families in modern films, television dramas, and sitcoms, they nearly always caricature them as a grossly dysfunctional unit. Not only is there a noted absence of any male leadership in most instances, but oftentimes there’s no authority figure present at all, creating a scenario where anything goes. But not only is dad absent, so is mom. She’s either working outside the home, or working on an adulterous relationship. Even the titles of many mainline television programs betray their outrageous content. Programs such as ‘Sex in the City’ and ‘Desperate Housewives’ have turned marital infidelity into a laughing matter. It’s prime-time “entertainment,” and Americans eat it up.

Such portrayals of the American family were once rare for Hollywood, but now they literally dominate the big-screen. And here’s why: they are accurate reflections of our fallen culture, a culture that systematically undermines love, order, authority, and righteousness. Commenting on the epidemic absence of morality within society, John MacArthur writes:

Casual sex is expected. Divorce is epidemic. Marriage itself is in decline, as multitudes of men and women have decided it’s preferable to live together without making a covenant or formally constituting a family. Abortion is a worldwide plague. Juvenile delinquency is rampant, and many parents have deliberately abandoned their roles of authority in the family. On the other hand, child abuse in many forms is escalating.

All those elements prevail in our society and resonate with our fallen flesh. Therefore, they dominate the entertainment industry. It’s the law of supply and demand in action. Hollywood gives people what they want—corruption.

Trying to find a traditional, structured family anywhere on television is nearly impossible. While lamenting Hollywood’s sick portrayal of families,someone made the following observation:

The only television “family” who regularly attend church together are the Simpsons—and they are cartoon exaggerations deliberately saddled with the worst imaginable traits, designed mainly to mock and malign both church and family. It’s no joke, though. A relentless parade of similarly dysfunctional assortments of people assaults us on television and in the movies. Hollywood has given a broad new meaning to the word family. Meanwhile, traditional nuclear families with a strong, reliable father and a mother whose priorities are in the home have been banished from popular culture, made to feel as if they were the caricature.

Such examples may seem subtle and harmless to some Christians. But over time, like water erosion on the face of rock, these secular ideas at first influence then control the thinking of many unsuspecting Christians who expose their families to such corrupting ideas.

Take Lot, for example. Lot “pitched his tent as far as Sodom.” Why is that significant? Because ”the men of Sodom were exceedingly wicked and sinful against the Lord.” The next time we find Lot in the inspired record, he is no longer a stranger to the wicked inhabitants of Sodom—he’s one of their leading citizens. Further, he calls them his “brothers,” chooses one of their citizens as his wife, and raises his two daughters in a pagan environment. Apparently, Lot acclimatized himself to the wicked lifestyle of the Sodomites. When God sent two angels to rescue His family, the entire male population of Sodom sought to assault the angelic visitors sexually, who had lodged with Lot’s family for the night. What was Lot’s solution to the problem? He quickly offered his two virgin daughters to satisfy their sexual cravings. During the angelic rescue, Lot was reluctant to abandon his residence in Sodom, and when he finally realized the danger he and his family were in, his sons-in-law mocked his warnings to flee. Apparently, the citizens of Sodom didn’t take Lot too seriously when it came to discussions about God.

In the New Testament, Peter uses the story of Lot as an example of how God can rescue His people from the jaws of temptation. In the process, he sheds additional light on the severity of Sodom’s corrupting influence when he writes that God, “delivered righteous Lot, who was oppressed by the filthy conduct of the wicked (for that righteous man, dwelling among them, tormented his righteous soul from day to day be seeing and hearing their lawless deeds).” After God rescued Lot’s family and sent judgment upon Sodom, Lot’s wife, longing to return to her sinful pattern of life was turned into a pillar of salt. Following that tragedy, Lot’s two daughters got their father drunk and committed sexual incest with him in order to preserve their family lineage. The record of Lot closes on a bitter note—he was a tormented soul who jeopardized himself and his family with a compromised way of life. For his legacy, he spawned two cursed people groups—the Ammorites and the Moabites.

If God hadn’t told us Lot was “righteous” (2 Peter 2:7, 8), it would be very difficult to identify Him as a citizen of God’s kingdom. The story of Lot is a classic example of how easily the world is able to pollute and corrupt a righteous mind.

Christian, how close have you pitched your tent to Sodom? Have you taken a close look at your family lately?

Published August 11, 2010

Have you mastered prayer?

I haven’t.  I suspect few Christians would report having mastered this great privilege and discipline.  In fact, I suspect that most Christians may even feel burdened by their lack of prayer and the seeming ineffectiveness of prayer.  We read “pray without ceasing” and it becomes “guilt without ceasing.” Read more …

So, boy meets girl or girl meets boy, depending on which side of the fence you are sitting on. And they fall in love and start going steady / walk into a relationship / court – there are many terms for this, so we will simply say they start dating.

However, boy sees prettier girl (let me use boy for this story because I am ‘boy’, but for the ladies, look at it as girl meets more handsome boy) and falls for her. This is where my story begins.

The truth is, when one is in a relationship, his/her eyes are not closed. They still see someone else who offers more than their mate does. The truth is, the guy/girl you are dating is not the fairest of them all, brightest of them all, most sexy compared to all, best heart of them all, seeks God above all. The truth is there is someone else out there who beats your mate hands down in one aspect or the other.

But what makes you choose your mate is that, while he/she is not the best of all these things, he/she is the perfect combination of these things.

So here comes the twist, I put it to you, there is someone out there whose combination is better than your mate – is more fair, more lovable, much more fun to be with, loves God more, spurs you to be closer to God more, and on top of it all, loves you so much (now, I will place it a bit harshly, and I know there can be a controversy here, but hey, let’s put it out there for discussion) . . . simply put, you are better off with this person than you are with your mate, you will be happier if you leave your mate and pursue this other.

The truth is, The Grass Really Is Greener On The Other Side . . . FOR REAL.

So, now that you are not married yet, what would worldly logic have you do?  Leave your mate and pursue the other, right? Besides, you will be happier with him/her than you will be with your mate. Right? Of course, that is what you should do. We are talking about for life here!! You are about to commit to one person FOR LIFE!!!

But, then again, just as there was someone out there better than your first mate, there must be someone else out there who beats, hands down, your new mate; that is, is more fair, more lovable, much more fun to be with, loves God more, spurs you to be closer to God more, and on top of it all, loves you so much. And again, what would logic have you do? Leave, right? And pursue no. 3? But of course ! ! !

Eish!!  That is crazy! I mean, this cycle can go on and on and on.

So, what to do? You are left with the reality that you must choose or decide to be with one, and here we are talking about your first mate, even if it means he/she is not the best combination there is out there. I mean, you can’t keep bouncing off to the next greener grass. That’s total indecisiveness.

Kinda sucks, doesn’t it, this sad reality? I mean, marrying someone you know is not the best there is out there!

But wait!!  Is it really a sad reality? While yes, the grass is greener on the other side:

ONE: the grass on your side has the potential to become greener than the other side, and

TWO: you have all that is needed to make that grass greener than the other side.

And herein lies one secret to great relationships and marriages: continually working at your relationship and with your partner, with every effort available and every day passing, making your relationship and your partner better with each available passing moment.

I mean, is the beauty in the final product, or is it in the process?  Would you rather hook up with a person who is perfect – one to whom you can do nothing to add value, or would you rather hook up with someone who, while imperfect, has the potential for perfection, if only you daily add value to his or her life?

You decide.

Have you waited for something all your life and thought you were finally about to get it and then, just then, everything vaporizes and you are left feeling empty, unfulfilled, unwanted or a failure? Have you ever thought you are living your dream only to find that it was not the real thing? Have you ever had a man or woman walk out of your life when you thought they were the one? I believe most of us will say yes to at least one of the questions above; I want you to know you are not alone. The Word of God is so true, as always, when it says hope deferred makes the heart sick; many people have ended their own lives when they thought all hope was lost, others have compromised, while some have settled for whatever comes their way.

Faith is anchored on hope; without hope, there is no faith and without faith, it is impossible to please God. Faith is the confidence in what we hope for and the assurance about what we do not see, while hope is the feeling that a desire will be fulfilled. So, hope is the fuel to our faith and ultimately the vehicle to obtaining the promises of God for our lives.

In this month that the world celebrates love, you are probably “alone” because of hope deferred, but remember that you are not alone. Just don’t stop hoping in the Lord like His word says:

Psalm 25:3
No one who hopes in you will ever be put to shame, but shame will come on those who are treacherous without cause.

Psalm 33:18
But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love.

Though you might have suffered so much pain from a past relationship, don’t stop hoping for that right person whom the Lord has in mind for you. If you have never had a serious relationship, but are afraid of all the pain filled marriages you see around you, don’t make them your reason not to hope for a great marriage. Proverbs 11:7 says “Hopes placed in mortals die with them; all the promise of their power comes to nothing”, but God lives and reigns forever; hope placed in him never ends.

Romans 4:18

Even when there was no reason for hope, Abraham kept hoping—believing that he would become the father of many nations. For God had said to him, “That’s how many descendants you will have!”

There might not be any human reason to keep hope alive, but like Abraham kept hoping when it was not humanly possible for him to obtain the promise, keep hoping, because like Abraham, you will obtain the promise. Stop looking at things you think are stacked against you; look unto the one that specializes in doing the impossible.

Part of hoping for greater and better things for our lives is speaking it; keep speaking what you hope for even when everything around you says otherwise, never settle for less.

Keep hope up alive, for by it you will please God and obtain the best.

Romans 8:25
But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

It gets worse when we become believers. Let me share a recent experience: A friend came to me recently, almost in tears, and said she did not know what she had done to God. She felt like everybody was attacking her and God was taking their side. An upsetting and even traumatic event had just occurred in her life, and it felt like the whirlwind around her was just the icing on the cake.

“I feel like I am being chastised, but I don’t even know what for,” she confided to me.

I took a good look at her and was moved with compassion. For a brief moment, her face had aged ever so slightly before returning to normal. Her eyes were dry but I knew that she was weeping inside. As she shared everything, I grasped what she was going through. My friend was simply going through a season of being misunderstood.

It took me a while – and her about ten attempts to change the subject – to convince her that sharing was not necessarily complaining. In a long, candid chat, we discussed where she might have gone wrong. “Bad things do not just happen because you have been a bad child,” I reminded her. “Sometimes they just… happen.” I shrugged, feeling lame.

We talked about what brought on the different misunderstandings. It turned out that in written communication, unless she deliberated over it for ages, she came out sounding much harsher than she intended to. She also suffered a case of “Kenyanness” -  that unintentional rudeness that Kenyans are said to possess. You had to know her well to know when she was going through tough times because her tone generally never changed, and even to some people seemed slightly condescending, surprisingly when she was talking about God. She is very blunt. And, as she put it, “I might be a little intimidating because I don’t smile all the time.”

“I want to learn,” she said, desperately. “I want to learn how to do my best so that if I am misunderstood, it is not through any fault of my own, but it is a genuine misunderstanding, as it was in the case of Christ.”

She was frustrated. I wanted to give her a hug, but something within recent years had caused her to build up walls barricading her from her friends when she most needed to take them down.

She was afraid that she would lose the few friends she had. She needed some advice on how to overcome her situation.

Here is what we shared, some tips that apply to both ladies and gentlemen:

There are times when being misunderstood is the result of other people’s prejudices and issues. The world is in a lot of pain today. People are bitter, busy, constantly in a hurry and that is enough to set anybody on edge. But if we are careful about how we speak and our own attitudes, tones and the impressions we give, we can do our part to reduce these misunderstandings.

Friends are friends are friends…

…are friends are friends. Our friends generally know us better than most people do. Not everybody knows us at that level so we should never assume people can directly read what we are thinking when we speak. As openly as we can, we should state our points. The general rule is that  those we know may misunderstand us once in a while, but the less you have known a person, the greater your potential to be misunderstood. The longer you have been out of touch with a person, the more likely you are to misunderstand each other.

People do not necessarily see us the way we see ourselves.

David Rudisha said recently, “Wakati unapong’arisha fiyatu fyako, siyo fiyatu pekee finafyong’ara.“ We carry ourselves in a certain manner. God has forgiven us and sees our hearts. Human nature, however, is to judge on sight.  It would be wise for us to carry ourselves in such a way as to limit misunderstanding. Things like dressing appropriately, good manners, body language, so on go a long way and even make evangelism easier.

But don’t sweat the exteriors too much. The Bible tells us that Jesus Himself had no beauty that we should be attracted to Him. His origin made the Pharisees say, “Aah, zii! We know this guy. He’s from Nazareth. Manze hao watu wako down, hebu nikuulize, ushawahi kuona msee wa maana akitoka Nazo?”

Think before we speak.

If you don’t have “vibe,” or a good joke these days, you are seen as boring and a social misfit. Which is actually one way of being misunderstood. But in this case, let us choose to bear the easier misunderstanding. What if you said something that offended someone? It would be difficult to say later that you did not mean it, especially if you said it in a gathering. It is better to be seen as boring than to hurt somebody’s feelings just to look good.

Soften our tone and use grace.

My friend has made people cry when she has told them off, simply because of her tone. Even talking to her during this conversation, almost seemed like we were discussing the weather. Several times she has had to call people back and apologize for sounding harsh. “People are just so sensitive!” she said. As sad as it may be, this is true, people are sensitive. Taking our time with our words can help our tone. Speaking quickly can make people feel rushed. Speaking loudly is seen to be uncouth. Speaking in a screechy voice is hard to bear. When a woman takes her time to express herself, she even sounds wiser. When a man takes his time to express himself, he is respected more. My tone in this article is purposely more sombre than usual.

Seek our “wireless hotspots.”

We are told in 1 Corinthians, “Be ye not unequally yoked with unbelievers.” It’s much easier to be misunderstood when you’re around people who don’t understand you. That statement makes sense. Read it again. Having Christian friends goes a long way. When we as believers misunderstand each other, we can be able to talk about it and come to an understanding, or agree to disagree without becoming enemies. But in a worldly setting, before you know it, “Snap snap” one two up down, fingers snapping, necks moving from side to side, talk to the hand and that’s it for the friendship.

Face, then Phone, then Font.

Technology can be as much a curse as it is a blessing. If you want to talk about something sensitive, meet the person. If you can’t, pick up the phone. Only if these two are absolutely impossible should we resort to email or text messaging. Text looks cold, a lot of effort has to be put in by most of us, for what we type to cover the emotions we feel.

Soften our text when typing.

When we write by hand, we can cancel, draw interesting pictures, get more creative and it is more personal. Tears can drop on the page, people can read our thoughts and even figure out how we felt in the moment. That is how love letters were such a hit when our parents were in high school. But with email, there is no cancel, only delete. Using simple font, with no red, bold, highlights, is helpful when we are discussing tough issues. Sometimes after a fight or tension, people open emails defensively and assume they are being attacked. They jump to conclusions and are blinded by preceding events. Work on this with a warm introductory paragraph. Even by email, “a soft answer turns away wrath.”

Receive and appreciate feedback.

Finally, be open to criticism. My friend came to me because her friend had told her off. Despite feeling misunderstood, she knew that she had a true friend who had been open. It was painful and her friend had gotten some things wrong, but she appreciated it. Our friends, if we have chosen them wisely, will have our best interests at heart and will be honest with us in such times. Even when they misunderstand us, at least they are honest.

Have an understanding month!

The amount of time we spend with anything shows the value we place on that activity or person. Would we say that the time we spend with God everyday shows that we value him? Do we give him the leftover of our time or do we plan everything else around our selected time with him? Where is God’s time?

We cannot claim to love someone and not spend our resources on the object of our love. When a man and a woman are in love; they spend hours on the phone, hours learning things about each other, hours each day, sometimes just repeating things they had shared earlier. Why? They are in love. They don’t take a look at the watch and say: “Wow! I was able to spend 2 hours with him/her today,” rather they lose track of time and not bother much about any other thing during their time together. However, after they get married many of such couples loose this kind of intimate fellowship, which has led to a number of separations. Where is the love they once shared? It grew thin as their intimate times together waned thin. This exemplifies the kind of relationship a lot of believers have had with the Lord; we were very intimate with the Lord when we became believers, and we showed that we loved Him by the amount of time we spent with the things of God and with him in the place of personal fellowship. Jesus had to address this in his message to the church in Ephesus; please read the passage below.

Revelation 2:2-5 (NIV)

I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked people, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. 3 You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. 4 Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. 5 Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place.

The church in Ephesus had a lot going for them; they were hard working, had the form of godliness and had even suffered persecution for what they believed. However, Jesus still said they were lacking because they had forsaken their First Love. He asked them to repent and go back to the things they first did when they became believers. How far has the church fallen today? It appears the church organizes more social activities than spiritual. I believe Christ is calling out to the members of his body to go back to how we related with him when we first became believers. Activities, no matter how God-centered they are, can not replace the need for personal fellowship with God. Jesus explained this to Martha in Luke 10: 40-42.

40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” 41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

Nothing in this world is worth replacing our time in personal fellowship with the Lord; in verse 42 Jesus told Martha that only one thing is needed! The Lord loves us so much and he wants to spend time with us, but we need to make the effort to shut down that laptop, switch of that phone, turn off that TV, wake up a few hours earlier to ensure that we meet with the Lover of our soul. Let’s remember that anything that replaces God in our life is an idol; God is asking us to “consider how far we have fallen! Repent and do the things we did at first.”

Let us seek first the kingdom of God and all these other things will be added unto us.

Merry Christmas!

The amount of time we spend with anything shows the value we place on that activity or person. Would we say that the time we spend with God everyday shows that we value him? Do we give him the leftover of our time or do we plan everything else around our selected time with him? Where is God’s time?

We cannot claim to love someone and not spend our resources on the object of our love. When a man and a woman are in love; they spend hours on the phone, hours learning things about each other, hours each day, sometimes just repeating things they had shared earlier. Why? They are in love. They don’t take a look at the watch and say: wow! I was able to spend 2 hours with him/her today, rather they lose track of time and not bother much about any other thing during their time together. However, after they get married many of such couples loose this kind of intimate fellowship, which has led to a number of separations. Where is the love they once shared? It grew thin as their intimate times together wane thin. This exemplifies the kind of relationship a lot of believers have had with the Lord; we were very intimate with the Lord when we became believers, and we showed that we loved him by the amount of time we spent with the things of God and with him in the place of personal fellowship. Jesus had to address this in his message to the church in Ephesus; please read the passage below.

Revelation 2:2-5 (NIV)

I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked people, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. ³ You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. ⁴ Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. ⁵ Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place.

The church in Ephesus had a lot going for them; they were hard working, had the form of godliness and had even suffered persecution for what they believed. However, Jesus still said they were lacking because they had forsaken their first love; he asked them to repent and go back to the things they first did when they became believers. How far has the church fallen today? It appears the church organizes more social activities than spiritual. I believe Christ is calling out to the members of his body to go back to how we related with him when we first became believers. Activities, no matter how God centered they are, can not replace the need for personal fellowship with God. Jesus explained this to Martha in Luke 10: 40-42.

⁴⁰ But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”  ⁴¹ “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, ⁴² but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

Nothing in this world is worth replacing our time in personal fellowship with the Lord; in verse 42 Jesus told Martha that only one thing is needed! The Lord loves us so much and he wants to spend time with us, but we need to make the effort to shut down that laptop, switch of that phone, turn off that TV, wake up a few hours earlier to ensure that we meet with the lover of our soul. Let’s remember that anything that replaces God in our life is an idol; God is asking us to “consider how far we have fallen! Repent and do the things we did at first”

Let us seek first the kingdom of God and all these other things will be added unto us.

Merry Christmas!

Proverbs 31:10 – Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies.

This scripture shows us that a virtuous woman is rare, and it has been this way for thousands of years. I would have loved to say the women back in those days did not have the distractions, temptations, lies of the enemy that the women of today are faced with; I would be wrong! 1 Cor. 10:13 explains that that there is no temptation that is not common to man. So, though they did not have Hollywood painting a wrong image of whom or what a woman should look, talk or act like, a virtuous woman was still rare. She is rare because only a few are not afraid to be different from the pack; usually this few are called names like weird, strange, abnormal, antisocial, and the list goes on.  To avoid being labelled with any of these names, many just blend in and ignore that inner witness that is screaming – this is not who you are, you are called to be different; you are called to be like Christ. Have you not noticed that it is hard to identify a Christian in a setting that is not the Church? As believers we normally find it very easy to talk “Christian” in a church setting, but that is where it ends. No one else outside the four walls of the church knows that we are believers. The Virtuous woman is rare because she is not afraid to stand for what the master made her to be from the beginning. She is not looking to TV shows, Hollywood stars or any person for opinions of how she should feel or who she is; she found who she is when she found her description on the pages of the holy scriptures, which describes her as the power house of the home, not based on the theories of the feminist movement, but by the one who designed her for his glory and splendour.

Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? The virtuous woman does not go searching for her man, because she is sought after by the godly man that knows her worth, and so is willing to search until he finds her. She needs not be anxious or afraid that he may not find her. He will, because he knows her and shares of the same Spirit with her. He sees beyond the decorated tent that she lives in; he finds his pleasure in the virtues and gifts hidden in the tent.

Proverbs 31:12 – She will not hinder him, but help him all her life

Genesis 2:18 – And the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a companion who will help him.”

Proverbs 31:16 – She goes out to inspect a field and buys it; with her earnings she plants a vineyard.

Though her business is flourishing and she is buying properties, she is still there for her family because she knows a wise woman builds her home. Unlike her man, she has the ability to multitask; she wakes up early to make breakfast for her family and plans out the activities of the day. It is unfortunate that many career women of our day do not have time for their families; their careers do not leave the room for that. However, to have a healthy family, the role of the woman is unmistakably very vital.

Proverbs 31:23 – Her husband is well known, for he sits in the council meeting with the other civic leaders

For the virtuous woman to be a help mate, then her man must be a man with vision and purpose for life. Her husband is not an idle man that just sits around to pass time; he has a reason for living and his virtuous wife knows and understands the purpose and she helps him achieve it. She is not in competition with him, even though she is a career woman.

Proverbs 31:27- She carefully watches all that goes on in her household and does not have to bear the consequences of laziness.

She is around to see when changes occur in her home; she can easily attend to things that need to be attended to before they get out of hand. She does not postpone when to attend to issues in her home because she knows it will only make the problem bigger a few days later.

Proverbs 31:30 – Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the LORD will be greatly praised

There is so much attention given to looks these days that anything is done to get that “perfect body” basically, to be thin. Though many claim it is to be healthy, some things that are done to achieve this “perfect body” are not healthy in themselves. This trend of “thin” is beautiful will soon pass away and another trend will arise. The virtuous woman knows that charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last long; virtue is what stands the test of time. Her sense of identity does not lie in how she looks on the outside, it radiates from the person from her innermost being; she is beautiful because she radiates the beauty that comes from time spent in the presence of the Lord. She is a virtuous woman.