Shared Living “Love-O-Meter”

Posted by Olivia in From Her Window | | 1 comment

              

For many people, the transitional period between college graduation and home ownership involves moving back home with their parents. For others, it means shared living. Having a roommate does not automatically end once one is done with college; it is an easy way to mitigate the high cost of living in most cities and has the added bonus of meaningful friendships. Living with others (family or not) has its advantages. For one, it presents a daily opportunity to be a Christ-like example and to grow in love, and in situations where the roommate is not a believer, it is a chance to show them Christ through our actions.

I currently share an apartment with two other ladies, and have had many chances to reflect on the type of “roommate legacy” I would like to leave. Years from now, if we all reunite, say, at a wedding or a function, what would my roommates say about me? What would Jesus say of my behavior toward the people I live with? How would I rate on the “roommate love-o-meter”? A daunting thought, especially given my failures – a thought that need not be so if we make our number one desire to please Christ in all we do. In Mark 12:30 and 31, Jesus said,

and thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this [is] the first commandment. And the second [is] like, [namely] this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.

What does it mean to practically love our roommates? How should we conduct ourselves when living with strangers?  In my two or more years of being a roommate, this is what I have learned:

1. I try to be considerate (Matthew 7:12)

Storage can present a real problem, particularly in smaller apartments where no hall closet exists, or no storage exists beyond the minimum of kitchen cabinets and bedroom closets. I have learned the importance of making space for my roommates’ stuff, especially in the fridge and shelves where groceries tend to end up.

I try to clean up after myself. I would not like it if someone were to leave me a dirty tub or sink, so I try not to do the same. For most, this is a no-brainer. Shared living away from parents is not an excuse to breed vermin. It takes me less than five minutes to wash my plate or do a quick tub rinse.

2. Abide by any established rules

My roommates and I keep two schedules, one for the cleaning of common areas and the other for trash disposal. As much as possible, I try to honor the schedule, and try not to have them take out the trash on my day. If I am unable to clean because of a particularly busy period, I try to inform them, or do it within a number of days.

3. Pursue peace (Romans 12:18 and Hebrews 12:14)

I have learned that in the grand scheme of things, that broken china plate that was part of my household contribution is not that big a deal.

4. Speak truth in love – preferably to their face (Ephesians 4:15)

Uncomfortable issues sometimes arise that need to be addressed. I try to pray before I discuss certain issues, and I also try to avoid leaving a “post-it” or texting. I find I get a better response when I speak to my roommates directly than when I text, because sometimes my texts are misinterpreted. And when I do speak to them, I try to be polite.

5. Be nice, no matter what time of day it is

My former college roommate once said to me, “you’re mean when you’re sleeping.” She was right. Way before college, I had developed a habit of being rude to anyone who interrupted my sleep with a question or concern. I thought it should be obvious to them that I was trying to get some rest. After my roommate’s comment, I resolved to change. Now, whenever I am half asleep and my roommate (or sister, when I am home) knocks on my door to get something, I try to watch my tone of voice when addressing them.

6. Forgive

My roommates and I have had our share of arguments, and I know from experience what unforgiveness can do; if I am in the wrong, which has happened many times, I ask for forgiveness, and try to let go of any wrong I believe was done to me. It is the right thing to do, and it makes for an easier living situation.

 

In all your roommate (or living-at-home) encounters, remember that the standards God calls us to are unattainable without His help. Rely on Him daily, and pray boldly for the grace to be the daughter He has called you to be. Thankfully, we have a Father Who delights to help us become more like Christ. As you start over this year, resolve to be a roommate after God’s own heart.

1st Corinthians gives a comprehensive definition of love – check it out!

Image source: inmagine.com

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1. Jackie Mugane: On Love, Learning and Living Confidently
2. Decorating a Small Living Room