Bayo and Toyin
How did you meet?
Toyin: We met through a mutual friend. One of [Bayo's] closest friends happened to be a classmate of mine in medical school and after telling us about the other, we finally met in person when Bayo came down to visit his friend on campus.
What sacrifices/ risks did you have to make/take before you said “I do”?
Toyin: The hardest issue was the distance. Bayo lived in Canada while I lived here in the States. I always joked that while most girls were with their boyfriends on Saturday night, I was stuck at home on the phone. Another sacrifice was deciding where we were going to live. Since we lived in different countries, we knew that one person was going to have to pack up their lives and start all over again in another country.
You were in a long-distance relationship for the entire duration of your courtship. What would you say are the best and worst things a long-distance couple can do?
Communication is vital. Couples should keep all lines of communication open: text messages, calls, video calls – every form of communication possible is very helpful. It is easy to get distracted by things or people that are present around us; couples in long-distance relationships need to give their partners attention and priority as if they are present with them.
How can a young couple divorce-proof their marriage?
By first of all agreeing that no matter what happens, they are in this for the long run. The worst way to start marriage is by having a partner who is ready to call it quits at the first sign of a rough patch
Recently you celebrated the addition of a wonderful son to your union. How has having a child changed things for you?
Toyin: The second I held Isaiah in my hands, I truly knew the meaning of Love and instantly I wished I had had him ten years ago! I can honestly say having a child has made our marriage much stronger. Yes I love my husband, but every time I see him cuddle Isaiah, sing to him, bathe him, it just makes me all the more in love with him. It has made our union all the more solid, because we have the joint goal and responsibility of leading our son to the Lord.
How do you feel about the families of the future? Is the family institution on the brink of extinction?
The very concept of family is under attack in our day; I believe a number of children do not have a good understanding of what a real home should look like. Future families are only going to be a reflection of what we have now; what we have now are children that don’t know their fathers, people of the same sex parenting a child and so many other things that can easily confuse a child of his or her identity and role in a family. We also have a lot of parents who just want to be friends with their child in place of teaching values. The concepts of sacrifice, love and compromise which play a great role in keeping a loving family together is scorned at and in some cases viewed as signs of weakness. We believe a lot of re-educating of adults and children with the biblical truth of family will save the family institution. As long as man despises the biblical concept of a home and replace it with the desires of flesh; family in the real sense of the word might become rare even among Christians that do not follow biblical principles.
Do you have different interests? How do you deal with this?
Of course, that’s how we keep the marriage spicy!
Love does not seek his own way… this verse has helped us as we deal with differences and learning to compromise here and there; one of us might not like doing a certain but will go along with it because it makes the other happy. One’s joy is the others.
BAYO:
How did you decide Toyin was the one with whom you wanted to share your last name for life?
Before I met Toyin, I had met a number of ladies I had considered the possibility of sharing my life with. However, I have always had this belief that before I make the final decision of settling down with someone, the person would have to pass “God school” and “love school”. God school is basically getting a 100% approval from the Lord when I prayed about it; before Toyin, I never got that 100% approval from the Lord so I never asked any one to marry me. When I met Toyin, she passed both “God school” and “love school”. It was not easy in the beginning but the Lord clearly instructed me to proceed and I did. I do not regret obeying him, it has been great.
What is the best piece of advice you got before marriage?
If you think you are a patient person, marriage demands you to be more patient. With patience you will make things work no matter how hard it is especially the very first few months.
How can in-laws help a couple early in their marriage?
By letting the new couples make their own decisions! Even though it is very easy for in-laws to advise the new couple based on their own experience, experience is not always the best teacher, the Holy Spirit is.
How has being married affected your relationship with God?
I have found myself depending on God more for direction than ever before because I know that a wrong step affects not just me but my whole family.
TOYIN:
What is it about Bayo that led you to forsake all others?
First of all I got confirmation from God. No, I am not saying thunder and lightning striked and an angel in a shining robe appeared to me, I am saying I got confirmation through constant prayer and comparing Bayo to the word of God and what it demanded men to be. One good piece of scripture I constantly referred to is 1 Timothy 3:1-13 which describes the qualities God requires of a man seeking leading his church. If it is good enough for a leader in God’s church, hey, it’s good enough for me. Besides the spiritual aspect, I also looked as his personality, interests, ambitions and goals. I can truly say he is my soulmate.
What season requires more work: dating or marriage? Why?
Marriage definitely! Unlike dating, marriage is absolutely final! When two children of God are in courtship, there still is the chance that they might not end up together. For example, if one falls into sin and refuses to repent, or one realizes that clarity and spiritual maturity was not used in seeking a partner, there is still a way out of the relationship without much penalty, but when it comes to marriage my sister… clang, clang – Lock the door and throw away the key. And realistically that’s the way it is supposed to be because since marriage is a representation of the union between Christ and the church, it needs to be as final, solid and everlasting as the Love of Christ. We have to keep on working at it in order to please God and make our homes as happy as possible.
What have you learned about marriage that you did not know a year ago?
Ohh I could write a whole book on this. In my language, Yoruba, we say “Ile Oko, ile eko ni..” which means “Marriage is a school in of itself”. Truer words have never been spoken. God has used marriage to show so many things. Some are
The fact that I am still in desperate need of my Savior. A lot of people are under the impression that love or sex or money or looks or whatever will get them through the everyday issues of marriage. I have learnt that Christ is still all I need to get through frustrations and any uncomfortable place I find myself as a wife and a mother.
The fact that marriage is a refining furnace. When I was single, I was the master of my time, money, body and in most things I didn’t need human permission or approval. Well, with marriage God beckons me to be more like him. How can I sleep in till noon when I have the responsibility of a wife and mother? How can I express my thoughts in a way that is respectful of my mate and family? How can I be accommodating of this new family I have married into? There are so many situations I have found myself as a wife that requires me to grow, think beyond myself (oh boy, how that hurts sometimes) and be more like my Savior.
What should a bride take into consideration when choosing her bridesmaids, if she has any?
This might not be as spiritual an answer as anyone would expect but choose bridesmaids who are single! I love introducing godly single men to godly single women so I made sure my bridesmaids were single just in case a single brother wanted to ask me questions about her later (laughs).
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