I love your website, thank God for such inspired and Godly people. God is using you to touch lives. Since I knew your site. I have always visited it.

I have an issue i would like you to address for me in a christian manner. I’m 24 and I have a boyfriend of 13 months in Texas. He moved out of state when the relationship was 8 months. We are both christians, infact I am a choir mistress  in my church . However, I ve always had this friend of mine who is a muslim that I have known for 5 years and I have feelings for him, and i have a feeling he likes me too. But i cant date him coz he’s a muslim. We ve been communicating a lot lately. I am liking him more each day. As for my boyfriend I don’t talk to him too often because of his schedule. I am confused, what advice do you have for me?

God bless.

Hi.

Thanks so much for visiting Yakuti. We are honoured to be used of God. May He bless you.

This is a tough one but we serve a tougher God. There is nothing too difficult for Him (Jeremiah 32:27). He is not the author of confusion but of peace, and I pray that His peace will fill your heart.

Someone sent in a similar question and it was discussed in a previous issue. You might want to check it out later.

Let’s first talk about your Muslim friend. You say, “I’ve always had this friend of mine… I have known him for five years.” I would have passed by that part had I not been nudged by the Lord to address it. In reality, though we often forget it, the only friend that any of us can say we have always had is Jesus Christ, and He has known us from before we were formed in the womb. There was a point in your life when your Muslim friend was not there, but there has never been any point in your life or mine, or in time, where Jesus was not there. In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. The same was in the beginning with God… without him was not any thing made that was made (John 1:1-3).

I want to remind you that unequal yokes do not just exist in courtship; they exist in all kinds of relationships. You can be unequally yoked in a friendship or even a business partnership. That you are in consistent contact with your Muslim friend means you are pursuing or building an unequal yoke, which the Lord specifically tells us not to do (2 Corinthians 6:14), and which is therefore blatant disobedience.

You speak about your feelings several times. You have feelings for your Muslim friend, and you have a feeling that he likes you too. Feelings are fickle and deceptive. They are different from instinct (biological impulses/tendencies), conscience (inner sense of right and wrong) and the Holy Spirit (the Spirit of God, which takes control of our instinct and conscience when we become born again). Operating by feelings is operating on the sensual level. It is not bad to like things. But liking something does not necessarily mean it is good for you. In fact, many times we deceive ourselves and end up liking things that are detrimental to our walk. All things are lawful unto me, but not all things are expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any (1 Corinthians 6:12). All things are lawful for me, but not all things are expedient: all things are lawful for me, but all things edify not (1 Corinthians 10:23). In other words, Christ has set us free to like what we want, but it is unwise to like everything under the sun in this spiritual battle. Once we submit ourselves to the power and teaching of the Holy Spirit, we are able to apply only those likes and likings that edify. This is because the deceptive, stony heart which is desperately wicked is now replaced with a heart of flesh (Jeremiah 17:9, Ezekiel 11:19).

Now. You say, “…this friend of mine who is a Muslim.” Would it make a difference if he were an atheist, Hindu, or even Christian? Two realities would remain: First of all, you are in a relationship with someone else. Second, and of more importance: let us judge righteously. The fact that he is a Muslim does not make him any less loved of God than you or me. The fact that we are Christian does not make us any more loved of God than him. Jesus died for me, you, the Muslim, the Ba’hai and the agnostic. God loves this man. God loves us. Do we love him? Jesus said, If ye love me, keep my commandments (John 14:15).

If you love the Lord, it is time for you to put your feelings aside and seek God’s agenda for your Muslim friend. Think about the example that you are setting for him, and what your actions are telling him about your faith. You are still an ambassador (2 Corinthians 5:20).Your words may say you are Christian and love the Lord, but your actions might say something else. Jesus said not everyone that says to Him, “Lord, Lord” will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of His Father in heaven (Matthew 7:21). The Bible says, the fool hath said in his heart, there is no God (Psalm 14:1, 53:1). The fool’s words may say there is a God, but his actions reveal what his heart says. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaketh (Luke 6:45), but as we have seen above, the heart is deceitful and in these last days people may convince themselves they are doing God a favour in their sins. Ye shall know them by their fruits (Matthew 7:16-20) – what fruit is your Muslim friend observing? Double-mindedness or steadfastness? Faith or doubting? You don’t boil a cow and expect to eat beans. You don’t use a tea bag if you expect to taste coffee.

You will definitely like this man more each day if you spend time with him continually. In fact, if you spend more time with him than with your boyfriend, then the day is soon coming when you will say you like him more than you like your boyfriend. When we constantly surround ourselves with people, we grow to like them more. This is true even of our walk – I am sure you agree that if you spend more time with the Lord, you get to love and enjoy Him more. It is the same with all relationships.If Eve had fled from the serpent after the first statement, where would we be? Instead, she allowed herself to remain around him and she continued to listen to his lies (Genesis 3). Jesus, on the other hand, responded to each temptation with the Word (Matthew 4, Luke 4) and refused to tolerate discussion.

In my humble opinion, seeking God’s agenda for your Muslim friend would mean distancing yourself from him for some time, for now. Of course it is God’s desire for your friend to receive Christ, but at this point in time, you might not be the right person to plant and water – seek the Lord about this. Wisdom is the principal thing and it is very easy for you to tell yourself that you are maintaining contact so that you will tell him about Jesus, when instead you are subconsciously practising missionary dating or PCM.

Now, let’s talk about your 13-month relationship. When your boyfriend was leaving, did you both talk about keeping in touch and how often you would communicate? It’s difficult to be in a relationship with someone you don’t see or talk to often, and usually for long distance relationships there are a lot of sacrifices involved. They can work, and I have seen a few succeed. I have married friends who have been in long-distance relationships, some of them even from the beginning. Some have been a three-hour drive apart, and some have been 11,000 miles apart and everything in between. What these friends of mine will assure you is long-distance relationships require prayer, patience, plenty of trust and understanding, and constant nurturing. But they can work.

Remember that while you are in a relationship, you are a steward over this man’s heart and you are responsible to do right by Him. Owe no man anything, but to love one another (Romans 13:8a). If there are explanations and discussions pending, do the necessary. Be open with your concerns and fears. If you do not want to be in a relationship with him, do not lead him on. What you give will come back to you, full measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over – this is not just about money or good things, but applies in the negative as well (Luke 6:38). We reap what we sow (Galatians 6:9). Back to the tea bag and coffee.

This is one of those situations that I say is “pretending to be complex.” It’s one of those very tough positions to be in, but once you pray about it and decide what to do and have the decision behind you, you realize in hindsight that it was actually very simple. I know that right now it is very difficult. Pour out your heart to God (Psalm 62:8) and share your anxieties with Him (Philippians 4:6-7). His name is Wonderful Counselor – He can show you exactly what to do and exactly how to do it and if you continue to walk after the Spirit you will remain uncondemned (Romans 8:1, 8:31-33). He promised that if we ask for wisdom, He will give it to us without finding fault (James 1:5).

I pray that this helps! Thank you so much for your question. I will be praying for you; please keep in touch and let me know how everything goes.

God bless and be brave,

Paula

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