He has herpes… should I break up with him?

Posted by Yakuti in Archives, Relationships | 22 views since Jan 31, 2012 | 2 comments

…My boyfriend told me he has herpes. Should I break off this relationship?… I am really disgusted by all this. Am I overreacting?…

Rachel

Dear Rachel,

Thanks for your question and thanks for being candid. Toyin tackled the medical part of it and forwarded the rest to me (LOL, she is clever, isn’t she?).

Wow.

Well, many things are going through my mind right now as I think about your question. What does Jesus say about situations like this? Does Jesus even talk about situations like this? What would Jesus do?

Before I begin, I want to say I hope and pray that you two have not been sexually active. I second Toyin in saying that if you are, then I beseech you, please STOP! NOW!

Let’s first give this man credit for telling you that he has herpes. Let’s give thanks to God for revealing this at this time. Think of the many millions of women who end up married to men who have herpes but have kept it from them. Think about those who don’t even know they have it.

I can’t tell you whether you should break off your relationship. What I will say is this: The courtship/relationship period, used wisely, is one where both of you get to know the necessary, gory basics about each other, and make a conscious decision to marry or to refuse to get married to each other. Knowing what you know about this man, and given the information you now have from the Apprentice, are you willing to love him sacrificially for as long as you both shall live?

It’s probably not something you’re going to answer in two seconds. Think about in sickness and in health, during flare-ups (or outbreaks as Toyin calls them) and doctors’ visits and the fact that you too are probably going to get this incurable disease. On the other hand, try to put yourself in his shoes. Imagine how difficult it is to reveal such a thing to a person, knowing that it is more likely for you to be rejected than accepted.

Does the Bible talk about this? I would say yes. Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them, for this is the law and the prophets (Matthew 7:12). I don’t know what you would want him to do to you if you were in his shoes, but I venture to guess that one thing you would not want would be for him to remain in a relationship with you out of sympathy, because that would breed resentment on both your parts.

Also, as cold as this may seem, it is better for you to break off a relationship than to get married and end up divorced and sick. Someone once said, “wedlock is padlock; the key is thrown into the Atlantic Ocean.” So take your time with your decision, and understand that should you choose to get married to this man, then that’s it, for life. And the Lord would want you to remain in the union joyfully, without bringing this up during fights no matter how tempting it may be, and without partnering with the accuser of the brethren in using your words and actions to plant guilt in this man’s heart and mind. You would still have to remain submitted to him and to love him the same way you would if he did not have herpes.

As always, I cannot give you the answer to your question, but I can point you to the One who can. This might sound a little radical, but the Lord is the Great Physician and there is a stripe on the back of Jesus for healing from herpes (Isaiah 53:5). He is also the Wonderful Counselor (Isaiah 9:6) and can give you wisdom beyond what you can imagine. Talk to Him.

I pray that the Lord would give you divine understanding and the strength to carry out whatever you prayerfully decide to do. It’s a tough choice, and if you just found this out, then I would say no, you’re not overreacting, but be careful that it does not become a root of bitterness that will spring up to trouble you later. Forgive him for having herpes – forgive him if you remain with him, and forgive him if you break up. No matter how sinful we are, and no matter how many times we may think we can handle it, none of us ever walk into things honestly wishing for the outcomes that sin brings. I sense a little guilt in your question, and I would ask you to forgive yourself, too, for being disgusted. Whatever you choose to do, if you are walking in the Spirit, you are not condemned (Romans 8:1).

God bless and I’m praying for you both,

Paula.

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