Love vs Jeans
Hi Pea!
I hope you are doing wonderfully.
I can’t believe I’m asking this but my boyfriend does not like my jeans. He says they are too tight for a full-figured woman and that they make it difficult for him to keep his thoughts pure. They are not even tight for real. The way I see this I can do one of two things, change up my entire wardrobe because jeans is what I wear most, or look for a man who will take me for who I am. WWJD talk to me.
Hi!
Yes, I am doing wonderfully, thank you.
The first question that came to my mind when I read this was: “Is this really about jeans?”
If, like you say, jeans are what you wear most, then that means that he knew about them when you were starting your relationship, but still chose to go ahead and become your boyfriend.
On the other hand, I’m sure you’ve heard about our brothers and the struggles they have to face in keeping pure. The reason the Bible speaks of modesty is not because a woman’s body is ugly or repulsive. Paul and Peter both speak of an incorruptible beauty that shines from within and never fades; a quiet confidence that does not need to flaunt the externals as a booster to a woman’s self-image. One main reason for modesty is to look out for our brothers and to refrain from stirring up lust in their hearts. Just like men are supposed to protect and preserve the purity of women by leading and exercising self-control before marriage, women are stewards to keep themselves honourable and modest. Men and women are wired differently. No matter how many analogies and metaphors men may use to describe the degree of their visual stimulation, most if not all women cannot really grasp it because we are not wired the same way.
Your boyfriend is crying out for grace, if you ask me. And, God may be using him to speak to you about your dressing. Maybe like you say they’re “not even that tight for real.” Maybe your jeans are alright and your boyfriend is dealing with other issues that are manifesting in this way. Whatever the case may be, truly, what would Jesus do? We know He is love – He is everything expressed in 1 Corinthians 13, and not only that, but His Word admonishes us to love fervently from a pure heart (1 Peter 1:22). Pure, fervent love will be patient with this man, kind to him, humble towards him, behaving appropriately as a woman of virtue, esteeming him above yourself even as he hopefully esteems you above himself according to Philippians 2:3, thinking things through instead of being easily provoked, rejoicing in truth even if it has to subdue facts… (1 Corinthians 13).
I don’t want to seem like I am siding with him over you because I don’t really know his side of the story. I want to assume that his complaints/fussing/pleading (whichever tone he uses) are in a way looking out for you so that he does not take away your purity by sinning sexually with and against you. 1 Thessalonians 4 is a convicting chapter that tells us to abstain from fornication. Abstaining from fornication starts with rejecting the worldly patterns and being renewed in the spirit of our minds (Romans 12:2, Ephesians 4:23. Relationships require compromise. If you run away from this one because of jeans, you might meet a man who doesn’t like your shoes. Seek God about what He is teaching you in this experience so that you do not have to take the test again, for as we all know, our Father never flunks any of His children out – you’ll retake the test until it is evident that you have grasped what is required and can move on to the next level of growth.
Who are you, really? Think about it. 
This is not about jeans. Dig deeper. Talk to God. Let Him talk to you. Don’t be surprised if things like “love”, “identity,” “faith”, “virtue,” “humility” and “surrender” come up.
Blessings!
___
Kenya.fm’s version:
Imagine this scenario: you are a missionary. You visit a distant tropical jungle, and find villagers who go about their biz naked.
No piece of clothing whatsoever. After getting over the “shock”, you preach to them, and all the villagers are born again. Should you ask them to wear clothes? Why? You were sent to preach Christ, not clothes. Right? Right.
Jeans or no jeans, sin is not in the clothing, but in the heart.
This means that you could walk stark naked all day long, in the open, with other people present, and the Lord would have zero issues with you.
And, you could walk all covered up, bukha (muslim style, where only the eyes are visible) and the Lord will have a problem with you.
Why? Because sin is in the heart, not in the clothing.
Here is your answer.
To the man
(Please pass it to him)
We all know that men are visual. Visually stimulated. If it were not so, there would be no industry specifically catering to their visual vulnerability.
Let us suppose that the sight of a woman in Jeans causes you to have sexual desire that may lead you to sin.
Whose problem is that? Yours, of course. Not the woman’s.
You cannot stand before the Lord and say
“The woman whom you made to pass before me, she made me sin.”
Man, it is your responsibility to guard your heart against sin.
Yours, not the woman who is tighly clad ot scantily clad.
Yours, not the film and TV shows director that makes movies/shows that ensare you.
Yours, not the owners of websites that offer you adult content.
If you sin, it is your failure, not another person’s. You will be held responsible for it.
You do not pass over your failure to be righteous to someone else. It does not work that way.
If you have a problem, this is what you should do.
Go to the Lord. Tell him,
“Lord, I have impure thoughts every time I see a woman in jeans. I know sin has no power over me.
Help me know how to deal with this issue.”
I assure you, that if you have the Spirit, and sincere seek help you will know how to overcome that kind of sin. Very easily.
You will know how to conquer all types of sin ( BTW that is what it means to walk in the Spirit ).
If you walk in the Spirit, it will not matter what temptation the devil causes to pass before you; you will reamin standing, a better person.
Being pure is not the absence of temptation ( the tight jeans ) but being able to say no in the presence of temptation.
If you have not the Spirit, then woe unto you, you have no hope in staying sinless. Really.
To The woman
You are free to wear whatsoever you like ( or nothing at all if you so choose). But, if you call Christ Lord,
you will realise that this freedom to do as you wish does not mean license.
You will realise that this freedom may actually be sin to you.
Here is your verse. I will paraphrase it for you.
23″Everything is permissible”—but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible”—but not everything is constructive.
24 No girl should seek her own good, but the good of her boyfriend too.
25Wear anything you can buy from the stores without raising questions of conscience, 26for, “The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it.”[c]
27If you have a pair of jeans you wnat to wear, do so. 28 But if any of your brothers in Christ says to you, “These jeans are offensive to the brethren,”
then do not wear them, both for the sake of the men who told you and for conscience’ sake[d]— 29the other man’s conscience, I mean, not yours.
For why should my freedom be judged by another’s conscience? 30If I wear a pair of jeans with no intention to draw men to my body,
why am I denounced because of something I thank God for?
31So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.
32Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God—
33even as I try to please everybody in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved.
There is your answer.
Should you listen to the opinion of everyone? No. But, here is someone supposedly close to you,
who is asking for help ( despite the fact that he should bear his own responsibility). That, you should listen to, just as that verse says.
You ask WWJD.
Really, that is the wrong question. You should be asking, what does Jesus command ( WDJC) ?
And there it is, in that verse of 1 Corinthians 10 ( paraphrased of course) .
I assure you, that if your heart seeks after His heart, you will read that and say, “Lord, i will do anything for you!”
“Lord I will not wear this stupid thing if it causes one of your sons to sin against you.”
What next?
You say “The way I see this I can do one of two things, change up my entire wardrobe because jeans is what I wear most, or look for a man who will take me for who I am. WWJD talk to me”
You know what I hear in those words? “I really do not care that much for this man, I could drop him and get another”.
I hear “I do not care whether he sins or not, as long as I get to wear what I want.”
I say to you, why on earth is he then your boyfriend? And more important, Do you really care what Christ thinks?
Both of you, I say, have issues many times bigger than the jeans…
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