Friendship thoughts for 2009
Courtship is not the only relationship in life. We need friends to encourage, inspire and challenge us as we go through the routines and rigours of daily living. Some friendships are toxic; some are wholesome and invigorating, but all friendships are built with a subconscious understanding that just as your friend gains from you, you will gain from him or her. In 2009, I have learnt many lessons about friendship that have revolutionized my life and I want to share a few of these lessons with you.
Show me your friends and I will show you your future. 1 Corinthians 15:33
Paul begins the verse above by advising us not to be deceived. This is probably because nobody wants to imagine that they are ‘weak’ enough for their morals to be corrupted by the wrong friends. Some people say we can be like Jesus, who was the Friend of Sinners. However, Jesus was sinless. Any other human being will be seduced by the wicked (Proverbs 12:26). It is not likely to happen suddenly, but by the time you look back, the lust has conceived and given birth and the sin has become death (James 1:14-15). We should seek the continual company of like-minded believers and be careful how we interact with unbelievers. To live without them, we would have to vacate the planet. But that does not mean we must yoke ourselves together with them Paul tells us it is the so-called brothers who live double lives that we should be most wary of (Corinthians 5:9-11, 2 Corinthians 6:14).
You can pay with ten years for one ten-second decision. Proverbs 22:3
Use those ten seconds to try and get a glimpse of what the future will look like. Don’t rush into any decision or collaboration. Think double hard about issues involving money.
Gossip causes division. Proverbs 16:28
God hates people who sow discord between brothers (Proverbs 6:19). Is your mouth a life-giving spring or an evil weapon? Gossip can cause a rift between the closest of friends. Be careful what you say about others, and be careful who you give your audience. Try to find out the truth before you make decisions. And if the issue is not important, let it go – you have no business finding out if it’s true that your friend stole an eraser in 1977. Don’t waste your time investigating petty isses.
You are what you eat. – Matthew 12:34
A friend of mine has a simple, maybe even cliché, but profound statement on her Facebook page: “Garbage in, garbage out.” This is very true. What gets into your system through your eye-gate, your ear gate, your heart gate, must eventually be exposed in your words and actions. Jesus said, out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. What do your friends cause to abound in your heart? Depression? Jealousy? Strife? What things flow out of your own heart, through your mouth, to their hearts? No matter how long it takes, if you sow garbage, you will reap garbage.
You will be popular if you are generous or rich. – Proverbs 19:6
Learn to distinguish between those who are your friends just for gain, and those who are with you for real. Would she call you if she did not need anything? Don’t deny people your kind heart, but don’t expect too much in return. The fact that you vacated your huge mansion for her does not mean she will lend you her car when you need it. No wonder Jesus said give without expecting anything in return (Luke 6:35). If you are loving, generous or wealthy, you will have many ‘friends’. Differentiate between the real and the fake and guard your heart or else you will end up in great pain.
Learn from example and not from experience. – Matthew 5:5
I like the example one preacher gave of Pharaoh and David. Pharaoh received several warnings from God through Moses. But with each admonition, his heart became harder. He wanted to oppress the people of God for his gain. Eventually, because of his hard heart, he was drowned in the Red Sea, chariot, army and all. David, on the other hand, needed just one rebuke from the prophet Nathan. He repented, fasted and prayed and yielded to the will of God. Had he not done so, his demise would have been much worse. Watch those who are around you. Learn from their examples. Listen to their advice. Be teachable; I have discovered that it is better to learn from information and example than to learn from experience.
More hope for a fool? Proverbs 29:20.
Be very careful and wise with your words. Understand that people come from different backgrounds and do not always see things the same way. How have you spoken to others this year? One example I always use is Kenyans vs Ugandans and Nigerians vs Ghanaians. Many East Africans will tell you that Kenyans are uncouth and generally rough. But that uncouth, rough Kenyan could be acting his politest. Many West Africans will tell you that Nigerians are loud and arrogant. But that loud Nigerian might be speaking at his quietest volume. It’s all about culture and exposure and we must take these things into consideration when we interact with people. One formula that I have realized cannot fail is a loving heart coupled with a bridled tongue. People can carry words with them for years. You might not remember what dress a person was wearing when they said something nasty to you, but you will remember the words, the tone, and how you felt about it. How do your friends make you feel? How do your words make them feel?
I encourage you to use the month of December to seek God about your friendships. Seek Him about moving on from certain friendships. Envision your life before and after each friend and think what it would be without each of them. Ask God to remove toxic people from your life and help you discern between strength-building trials and self-inflicted drama. And remember that although letting go of some friendships might seem like losing a limb or two, Jesus said “it is better for thee to enter into life maimed/halt/with one eye, than having two hands/two feet/two eyes, to go into hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched: where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched.” (Mark 9:43-48.)
Sobering? Well, we are called to be sober and watchful (1 Peter 5:8). This battle is spiritual, but people are the pawns.
Check out these similar posts:
Recent Comments