Pea hi.

I am trying my best to enjoy my long-distance relationship but I have a question, what can I do when I am missing my boo? Is it Christian to call him boo. Lol anyways, I recently read the article on “Can long distance relationships work” and I appreciate, we have applied most of the stuff there but there are time when I feel so low. We usually try to plan but right now with financial constraints we are not sure when we will see each other (we are in different continents). Sometimes I get soooo depressed I just want to cry all day… what to do…. many times I know I can pick up the phone and call him but there is an 8 hour time difference between us, he says I can call him anytime but I don’t want to be selfish as he has a hectic schedule, what can I do to make the 8 hours pass?

Grace

Hey Grace!

Aww, I know… it can be very hard to deal with someone in your life being so far away. Just the fact that you miss him in this way indicates that you care deeply about him. Thanks so much for reading and appreciating the article on long-distance relationships.

Lol, “boo” is actually just an African-American corruption/mispronunciation/misspelling for the French word “beau”, which means boyfriend, so I don’t think it’s wrong to call him that.

I am assuming, of course, that when you say you have “applied most of the stuff there,” you mean things like constant communication – hopefully you have not gone quiet on each other for long periods of time.

My dear, please don’t cry all day. While I think crying is cathartic, I don’t think a whole day – 24 good hours – should be spent on just that. I don’t even think it’s possible to cry that long but even if it is, I think it would be wrong especially over a case such as yours. It’s likely that you will slowly begin to be overly self-piteous and see your problem as the end of the world, and that is never a healthy thing. Cry when you need to, but try not to make it a crutch. Look at this as the wonderful opportunity it is – you have so much more time to explore than those couples who are within each other’s reach. And the LORD said unto Joshua, Get thee up; wherefore liest thou thus upon thy face? (Joshua 7:10)

Grace, you’ll have to dig into your creativity bank for this one as different people enjoy different things. The wonderful news is God has created us all with varied interests and has provided a flood of activities that will not only help us use our time, but will also build us up. Here are a few ideas, and this is by no means an exhaustive list:

Worship. The Bible says, Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed in thee, because he trusteth in thee (Isaiah 26:3). I know this reads like a cliché but it really is true. Begin when you don’t feel like it and your feelings will catch up with your spirit. God who holds time and is in control of everything can shift events and make it possible for you to see each other sooner than you think. He is the Comforter and knows your pain; casting your cares on Him will definitely ease your burden and lift you up and remind you that there is hope, you can be happy, things are not as miserable as they seem to be. Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort (2 Corinthians 1:3).

Hang out with friends. Friends will not make you stop missing your “boo” (lol), but they will definitely help you get through the tough times. Get social; enjoy people other than yourself and you will find that you are learning a lot and you will have something to do until missing him eases off. Time flies, they say, when you’re having fun. If your friends are believers, it is likely that they will be ready to jump in to cheer you up. Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ (Galatians 6:2).

Volunteer! Helping and interacting with people who are in a worse situation than yours can go a long way in realigning your perspective and reminding you that you are too blessed to be stressed. Your problem is missing someone who is eight hours away; what about that person who is missing one limb? How about the ones who have nobody to care for or miss them? How about the one who is missing someone who has stepped into eternity? Giving has a way of shrinking our problems. It is more blessed to give than to receive (Acts 20:35).

Exercise. There is nothing like a good workout to help us vent frustrations. Exercise is beneficial for people who are feeling low. It will lift your mood, build your physique, and if after a genuine workout you still feel low, you will probably be too tired to dwell on it for too long before getting a good night’s rest. In the old days, people did not need to go to the gym because their lifestyle was pretty much a workout. They walked long distances to visit each other and to seek their basic needs. With the current sedentary culture, we need to exercise. Many of us think that glorifying God in our bodies means just staying away from sex but I believe it also means we are stewards over our bodies and must not neglect them. Ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s (1 Corinthians 6:20).

Read a book, but preferably not something mushy because that might worsen things. A good idea would be to pick a book of the Bible to study, or select a theme that runs through different books. That will be helpful both in taking up the time you have and in building you up spiritually. And you’ll find that the Bible is not as boring as many people make it out to be. Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth (2 Timothy 2:15).

Write him a letter! That will be a good way to vent; let him know how much you miss him. It’s great if you send it, but even if you decide not to, you will have had the opportunity to express and examine your heart. But I trust that I shall shortly see thee, and we shall speak face to face. Peace be to thee (3 John 14).

Take up old but beneficial interests that you have allowed a busy schedule to cause you to neglect. Used to love tennis but don’t do it anymore? Start again. Stamp collector? Singer? Chess player? Start again. Have a gift that you have neglected? Use this time apart to nurture it. Wherefore I put thee in remembrance that thou stir up the gift of God… (2 Timothy 1:6).

My last idea is find a new hobby/interest. Learn a language – it is likely that if you choose something challenging that you have never spoken before, it will take up a whole lot of time and work your brains. Many people find French and Swahili very challenging; you could take one of those up if you don’t speak either. You can choose a unique language that few people seem intereste in, too. If the two of you come from different ethnic groups, try learning his language and surprise him! If you like to write, try blogging. Gardening, photography, cycling… try something you’ve never done before, something you don’t think you are particularly good at – the results and enjoyment of the challenge may surprise you! Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. For as [a man] thinketh in his heart, so is he (Philippians 4:8; Proverbs 23:7).

I pray that this has helped in some way.

Much love,

P

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