“Pastor Moses, I just came to ask you to pray for me,” said Amanda.

“Let me offer to pray with you,” I suggested. “You need to pray, too. I won’t do all the work by myself.” We laughed. “What is the problem?”

“I want a husband!”

I looked at her, then stood up, looked outside my window and invited her to share my view. We watched throngs of people below, walking up and down the streets. I said, “Look at all those men. All those are men! All you need to do is pick one. Don’t you see them?”

“I do.”

“So…Why don’t you have a husband then?”

“Pastor, please don’t make fun of me,” she said.

“But haven’t you said you want a husband?”

“Yes.”

“All those are potential husbands! Just go outside and pick one.”

“But I don’t want just anyone,” she said.

“That’s right. So think about it. Do you want a husband, or do you want to be a wife?”

“Kwani there’s a difference?”

“Have a seat, Amanda,” I said.

And what I began to explain to her, I have decided to share with you.

“Wanting a husband” makes it all about you. Anyone can get a husband. “Becoming a wife” extends your efforts outwards. Nobody is born a wife, God has to mould a woman into one (secret: not everyone is automatically a husband from day 1 either).

I heard this somewhere and agreed with it: “Women fall in love and then get married, but men decide to get married and then look for a wife. So if a guy says there is nothing serious going on, take him seriously.” Wanting a husband is not necessarily a bad thing, but it can be dangerous. Having a husband puts the focus and attention on you. Some questions girls ask their girlfriends to think about are, is he cute enough beside you, does he make enough money to keep you comfortable, do you picture him fathering your children, does he make you laugh…it’s about what he does for you.

But how can you answer these questions without knowing who you are and who you want to become? It begins way before marriage. Don’t ever lie to yourself that your character will change when a man comes along. It will not and you need to start thinking about your role as a wife before it ever happens. I am not saying start shopping for a wedding dress and shoes. Please don’t think about neglecting your single years either, because you can serve God wonderfully and the spiritual foundation that is laid can hugely impact the rest of your life. Basically, you are safe if you live your life in obedience and are rooted in God’s Word. Unless God has laid it on your heart to be celibate, begin to think and pray about your role as a wife as He lays it on your heart.

Are you willing to bear children, put aside some things you want to do if he does not like them, take care of your appearance, etc.?

Being a wife is not just something that happens by name. The majority of women will get married because this is God’s will. That means they will spend more time being a wife than they will doing anything else. You are a child for only about 10 years at most. You are a pubescent for two or three. You are a teenager for seven years. And after 18, you are an adult. If you live in a stable African country then you will probably be employed for an average of 30 years. But some people get married in their teens so they are wives as well as teenagers. If you get married and have a job you are still a wife even at the office. Do you truly desire this, and if you don’t, what are you going to do about it?

Amanda came to my office a few days ago when I was wondering what to write about this month. She brought me a beautiful wall plaque that had a personalized message. “I don’t know how to appreciate you for what you shared with me that day!” She said, not sure that I would remember what she was talking about, but I did. You see, Amanda has since gotten married, and she shared, “I bless God for our meeting. When I began to seek Him about my character, I found that I did not even have to look for a man. My husband came and found me, and I am now a happy wife.”

POSSIBLY RELATED ARTICLES:

1. He wants me to be his second wife Hi Pea, I met my boyfriend in church, we had a wonderful relationship until I found out he was married....
2. May 2010 Couple: Coco and Stan Meet Stan, a musician, and his gorgeous wife Coco, a chief information security officer. This shy duo prefer to be...
3. Precious Jewels When I was asked to contribute a something to Yakuti for the married women, I felt both excitement and apprehension....

2 Responses to “Ladies, Choose One:
a: “I Want a Husband.”

b: “I Want to be a Wife.”
”