For Nyipir
by Pastor Moses
A lady named Nyipir wrote a letter to Yakuti’s relationships section that had Pea, our editor-cum-relationships-columnist, ranting and raving (not really) about how “someone really needs to start a school to teach men the basic rules of etiquette!” Normally, we have to hold on to our curiosity about what questions the ladies have for Pea until publication day, but for this one, she had to make an exception and break protocol because this, from what I understood of her wide-open eyes, dropped jaw, and the very concerned, “Can you imagine? Who will rescue us from these men?” was pretty appalling. Nyipir, receive my heartfelt thanks for your question. This was one of those months when the well of ideas runs dry and there was no way I was coming up with an article before the deadline. Pea walked into my office for my opinion just as I signed in to my mail to compose an apology email, two hours before my deadline.
So, Ms. Nyipir, you like him “like that,” you think he likes you “like that” too, and his friend jumps in to tell you that he hasn’t said anything because he doesn’t want to go through the hassle of looking for a Christmas gift for you, and is waiting for the end of the festivities.
Let me clarify a few things. If you think he likes you like that, you’re probably right. We men are not that good at hiding stuff especially when it comes to love of this kind. And you women seem to have serious discernment abilities when it comes to it. So that much is probably accurate. His friend… I don’t know how that came up, but you must have done something to get this information out of him. Guys don’t just break code like that. I would never give a lady such classified information unless (a) I had a hidden agenda and wanted her for myself, or (b) I was not a good friend. Or maybe (c) she cried and cried and threatened to harm herself and I blurted something out before my mind could think of praying about the situation.
Now, as for the Christmas gift hassle thing, there is a high possibility that you are reading it wrong. I mean, we have already reasoned that there is a possibility he likes you “like that”! Believe me, looking for a gift for you would never be a hassle for a man who truly loved you, unless he is looking for something really special that no stockist in the entire country seems to supply. Of course there is the weird breed who would be pained by the thought of buying you a piece of candy. But you say that you have known this guy “for long,” and secondly you seem to be shocked by the information you received. This means that such behaviour is not like him, and therefore I put it to you that it is possibly not what you think it is. Here are a few ways to look at things. Allow me to defend my brother. I have been there – I am currently engaged to a woman who, just before I made a move, was eons higher up the socio-economic ladder than I was. Praise God for MBAs and promotions. 
) And for the ladies who make us guys work to better ourselves.
Circumstance 1: Maybe this man really, really wants to impress you, but cannot figure out how to do it. Maybe he thinks you are too special for a cheap or meaningless gift and is putting it off so that he can get to know you and then splurge on you when he is sure of what would please you. I mean, seeing as he might like you “like that,” it means he is preparing himself for a relationship with his future wife. This is no small deal! Just like Jacob risked a lot working for Laban for seven years, this man could be risking reputation AND rejection from you by waiting a while.
Circumstance 2: Maybe he thinks that if you got into a relationship, he would have to buy you a very, very special Christmas gift, but cannot afford that right away and is saving so that he can buy you a special gift on your birthday or maybe next Christmas. You know how it is, on the night of 25th or the morning of the 26th, your phone might be ringing off the hook, with your girlfriends calling to ask what the new man in your life got you for Christmas. He may just be looking out for your reputation here! Not such a bad thing, if you think about it. Love considers others first.
Circumstance 3: Maybe he is waiting for the festivities to end so that he can get to know you better in the new year, under no pressure so that next Christmas looking for a gift is not a burden but rather an easy thing to do.
Circumstance 4: Maybe he is planning a surprise and his friend said what he said so that he does not give it away. Guys can look out for each other like that. Look on the bright side! Your door just might have a huge parcel and three singing men in fedoras on Christmas.
Circumstance 5: Maybe, just maybe, he has not considered the fact that beautiful gifts do not have to be expensive, maybe, just maybe, he has classed you with the kind of women who would break up a relationship because a man did not buy them a better gift than their girlfriends, in which case he would be wrong.
How do you know which is which, or what the truth is? “Love rejoices in the truth,” 1 Corinthians 13. “Prove all things,” 1 Thessalonians 5:21.
Just in case someone has not already told you, we guys have this…. disease that sort of paralyses us when it comes to certain things. It’s called ego. We struggle with it even after we become born again. We don’t want it to be knocked about just like that. We like to think things through, count the cost, and do the math before we jump into anything. We don’t take rejection very well. And rejecting a gift from us may as well be the same as rejecting us.
Don’t make any judgements, decisions or moves until you know the truth for sure. Depend on God for guidance. This whole scenario offers a quick look into the man’s heart. It could either be a warning bell, ringing to announce that he is a scrooge, or it could be a sign of what a considerate and thoughtful man he really is.
Have yourself a merry, merry Christmas, won’t you!
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