The Only Bed in Nairobi
dear pea,
i love God and my desire is to worship and obey him.i just want to share my story to show how the church has become so judgmental.recently i moved in with my boyfriend into his one bedroom apartment in upper hill area.i was having rent problems, you know how expensive things have got out here in kenya.yaani i couldnt even remember the taste of blueband imagine?so i decided to move out before things became too thick and because i had no where else to go, my boyfriend offered to host me for a while, while i look for a cheaper place. it has been three months but there is no housing. my friends have problems with me they say i am not being a christian yet non of them have ever offered to even buy me a slice of bread.i sleep in the same bed as my boyfriend but wait wait wait let me explain its because his chairs are hard and besides the other rooms are too cold at night and he says where he lives it is not a safe area and he wants to keep an eye on me.the bed has a border, we drew a line on all his sheets so none of us cross at night and honestly pea nothing has happened but my friends act like i am condemned or something. so judgmental and all. how do i go about making new friends or explaining to the current ones that they should not judge me?my workmates aren’t saved most of them but they are being understanding.i am rosemary in kenya.
Dear Rosemary,
Thank you for your question.
Things are expensive everywhere, the prices are really driving all of us to our knees in prayers. It’s one of the side-effects of living in the last days.
Indeed, what is life without Blue Band? There are wars in all kinds of places, earthquakes and famine and divorce and deception. Many do not even remember the taste of bread, but we thank God that there is a remnant that has had the priviledge of a constant exposure to the smell of Blue Band.
It is good to see that you had the foresight to move out BEFORE things got thick, so that you would not forget this savoury smell of what is arguably the best margarine in the world. In other words, despite the fact that God had been your Provider until this point, you decided to disobey Him by worrying about tomorrow. You then let this worry so consume you that you exalted it above God. You came to the conclusion that He was going to fail you shortly, and leaning on your own understanding, you decided to act on your worries.
Is your boyfriend’s bed the only bed in Nairobi? You gave yourself away in talking about all your friends and workmates. If your situation was so dire, and if you truly want to worship and obey God, you would have sought some assistance from all these people. You would not have to wait for someone to offer to buy you a slice of bread – you would pray and ask them to help you out. You say your desire is to worship and obey God. This means you must have a church to which you go every Sunday. Do you want to tell me that there is nobody in the entire congregation who can help you out?
Let me rephrase the question. What would you do if you had no boyfriend?
Let us deal with the current situation. You are already living with him. Let me momentarily treat this as your only option, even though it is not. Since you no longer pay rent, is it not possible for you to go to one of those outside vendors and have a bed made for you, or buy a ready-made bed? Must you sleep on a bed? How much is a mattress in Nakumatt? Why not buy one and sacrifice comfort for this obedience you so desire to achieve? Isn’t this less cumbersome than looking for a pen that will last and spoiling his sheets by drawing on them?
My family has lived in Upper Hill and I am a witness to the fact that it is a pretty safe area – definitely safe enough for two people to sleep in separate rooms, at the very least.
A Christian is supposed to be an example in all things. Sure, you might be sleeping in the same bed, and perhaps nothing has happened. I thank God if this is the case. However, think about the many people you might be a stumbling block to. As soon as a person knows you live with your boyfriend, the assumption becomes, “they are having sexual relations.” If you go as far as to say to anyone that you sleep in the bed, then it is practically sealed that you are having sex outside of marriage. Nobody will want to hear about lines drawn on sheets or the smell of blue band.
We are called to abstain from (not indulge in!) every appearance of evil (1 Thess 5:22). We don’t wait for the evil to come upon us. We flee as soon as we smell it (by the way, the smell of sin is different from the smell of Blue Band). We do not court or tempt evil. You may think that you are strong and can resist this man but believe me at the end of the day, you are human and one of the reasons you have a boyfriend is because you are attracted to each other. If you have not already had sexual relations, flee before it is too late, because if you don’t, you will convince yourself that it is not so wrong.
Who are you guys glorifying in this situation? God, or yourselves? Your fears and worries? Your comfort?
Your friends are judging righteously. Criticism is never pleasant. But neither is chastisement. I would rather have someone tell me something painful and change my ways, than wait in sin until the Lord chastises me.
Your boyfriend, on the other hand, needs to examine his definition of love. A man who loves you will not invite you to sin. If he loved you so much, he would not have let you move in with him. He would have placed the fear of God above the fear of his girlfriend and in so doing would have helped you figure out other options. I believe the words Love and Obedience should be redefined and re-examined in your relationship. If you have no friends, I am sure your boyfriend has some. He would have left his space for you, or found a female friend who can stay with you.
Rosemary, please pray about this issue. Seek God about His will. Go before Him leaving behind all your flesh. He loves you more than you love Him and His desire is for you to worship and obey Him. He will not deny you information or truth. He can show you where to go and what to do. He is your Provider and owns the cattle on a thousand hills. He has plans for your hope and future. Finding a place for you is not a difficult thing for Him. But disobedience grieves His heart. He offers us forgiveness when we confess and He is the only one who can cleanse us (1 John 1:9).
I know I have rubbed in the Blue Band issue. I have been trying, throughout this response, to give you an idea of how easy it is for us to place high value on petty things. Your soul is more expensive than Blue Band. It was paid for by the Blood of Jesus. Trials are given to us to make us stronger, not to encourage us to feed the flesh. In God, you have victory and in Christ you can be obedient to Him (Phil 4:13). Let Him be your Shield and Buckler, and do not pay any attention to the devil.
I am praying for you. Please do keep in touch and let me know how this goes. Rest assured: there is housing available. You can be obedient. You can move out of your boyfriend’s house. God Himself has promised never to forsake His children.
.
Recent Comments